Confusion

I never seem to know what to do anymore. I try and do something right and it goes wrong. I try to please one person and another ends up hurt. I be myself and show emotion and people worry. I'm out of ideas....

How am I supposed to choose between family and friends? I mean, I know I had said I would go and it was planned and everything, but I had no choice. Something quite important concerning the well-being of my family came up and I have to go to that. Please understand that I would hold to my commitment if I could. I feel terrible about it.

Also, can someone explain to me why it's such a shock to hear (or read I guess) my mom say that she loves me? It should seem natural and pleasant to hear such a thing, but it was weird. She never says something like to me. It's sad that I have to think like that. What really got me thinking though was when someone said "You really don't think she loves you, do you?" And I guess I don't. She never wants me around, always leaves me, and i go weeks without talking to her and it's hard. Sometimes it feels like I'm living without a mom. I know I have a step-mom and what not, but she doesn't fully treat me like a daughter. I think I'm just someone else living in the same house with her most times. I guess I feel abandoned.

It's amazing how much just writing this out has helped. Still doesn't take from the tears and hurt though....