I have high hopes for 2009 =]
Happy New Year All!
<3>
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Left Behind
Have you ever felt like everyone around you is moving on without you? Well that's how I feel now.
It seems like everyone I know has that special someone, moved on, and I've stayed still. I mean, someone knows someone feels the same way as they do, someone else thinks they found love somewhere unexpected, another isn't sure just quite yet but is well on their way. And then there's me. Stuck in the same spot because I can't seem to say anything.
Ugh, I wish I knew what to do.
<3>
P.S. This is just me complaining
It seems like everyone I know has that special someone, moved on, and I've stayed still. I mean, someone knows someone feels the same way as they do, someone else thinks they found love somewhere unexpected, another isn't sure just quite yet but is well on their way. And then there's me. Stuck in the same spot because I can't seem to say anything.
Ugh, I wish I knew what to do.
<3>
P.S. This is just me complaining
Monday, December 29, 2008
...Bored
1. What should you be doing right now?
Probably studying
2. Is there any particular reason you do these interviews?
I'm bored
3. Do you like someone?
I do. A lot. And I don't know what to do anymore. If you have any advice please help me out.
4. Do they like you back?
I'd hope so, but I couldn't say for sure. It'd be a lot easier if I knew or if someone told me.
5. Are you angry at someone?
I'm not
6. Are they angry at you?
...
7. What's bugging you right now?
That I don't know what to say or how to say it.
8. Would you change who you are if it would make someone accept you?
No, I would not.
9. What are you longing for the most?
To be with someone again.
10. What are you apprehensive about?
My birthday
11. First thing on your left:
My dog
12. First thing on your right:
Table
13. One thing in your pocket:
Gift cards
14. Something flammable near you:
Blanket?
15. Last thing you had to drink:
Milk
16. Last time you were outside:
When I got home
17. How many tabs/windows open in your browser?
2
18. How many friends online?
18
19. How many texts today?
Two
20. Last e-mail?
From Blockbuster
How Many:
21: Facebook Friends?
256 I think
22: MSN Contacts?
241
23: Cell Phone Contacts?
90 I believe
24: How many songs on your iPod/MP3?
238
25: Texts in your inbox?
9
26: E-mails in your inbox?
52
27: Unread e-mails?
none
28: Voicemails?
None
29: MSN Conversations going on right now?
None
30: Hours have you been awake?
13 Exactly
31. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
A time Machine
32. One song that's stuck in your head
None at the moment
33. Last thing you bought?
Pizza
34. What are you going to do tomorrow?
Go dress shopping with my mom, possibly hang out with Brian =]
35. What time is it?
10:16pm
36. If you knew you were going to die in exactly 24 hours, what would you do?
Go visit my friends, take my family with me, tell someone very special what they mean to me. Maybe go skydiving
37. Why don't you do these things now?
Mainly because I'm afraid of what would happen
38. If you could change one thing in your life right now, what would it be?
I wouldn't be afraid anymore
39. One wish for everyone in the world
They all experience absolute happiness
40. One picture that you find very meaningful/special/beautiful
Its one from not too long ago, of me and two of the best friends a person could have. We have extremely special shirts on and I smile every time I see it. These people are so special to me, I don't think they realize.
Probably studying
2. Is there any particular reason you do these interviews?
I'm bored
3. Do you like someone?
I do. A lot. And I don't know what to do anymore. If you have any advice please help me out.
4. Do they like you back?
I'd hope so, but I couldn't say for sure. It'd be a lot easier if I knew or if someone told me.
5. Are you angry at someone?
I'm not
6. Are they angry at you?
...
7. What's bugging you right now?
That I don't know what to say or how to say it.
8. Would you change who you are if it would make someone accept you?
No, I would not.
9. What are you longing for the most?
To be with someone again.
10. What are you apprehensive about?
My birthday
11. First thing on your left:
My dog
12. First thing on your right:
Table
13. One thing in your pocket:
Gift cards
14. Something flammable near you:
Blanket?
15. Last thing you had to drink:
Milk
16. Last time you were outside:
When I got home
17. How many tabs/windows open in your browser?
2
18. How many friends online?
18
19. How many texts today?
Two
20. Last e-mail?
From Blockbuster
How Many:
21: Facebook Friends?
256 I think
22: MSN Contacts?
241
23: Cell Phone Contacts?
90 I believe
24: How many songs on your iPod/MP3?
238
25: Texts in your inbox?
9
26: E-mails in your inbox?
52
27: Unread e-mails?
none
28: Voicemails?
None
29: MSN Conversations going on right now?
None
30: Hours have you been awake?
13 Exactly
31. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
A time Machine
32. One song that's stuck in your head
None at the moment
33. Last thing you bought?
Pizza
34. What are you going to do tomorrow?
Go dress shopping with my mom, possibly hang out with Brian =]
35. What time is it?
10:16pm
36. If you knew you were going to die in exactly 24 hours, what would you do?
Go visit my friends, take my family with me, tell someone very special what they mean to me. Maybe go skydiving
37. Why don't you do these things now?
Mainly because I'm afraid of what would happen
38. If you could change one thing in your life right now, what would it be?
I wouldn't be afraid anymore
39. One wish for everyone in the world
They all experience absolute happiness
40. One picture that you find very meaningful/special/beautiful
Its one from not too long ago, of me and two of the best friends a person could have. We have extremely special shirts on and I smile every time I see it. These people are so special to me, I don't think they realize.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas Everyone!!
I love you all so much!!
Hope you get everything you ever wished for!
<3>
I love you all so much!!
Hope you get everything you ever wished for!
<3>
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
My Wish
I love this song!!
My Wish - Rascal Flatts
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you wanna go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.
But more than anything, more than anything...
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but you never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah, more than anything...
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
Yeah, yeah.
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish (my wish, for you).
This is my wish (my wish, for you)
I hope you know somebody loves you (my wish, for you).
May all your dreams stay big (my wish, for you).
And that is my wish for all my friends not only for Christmas, but forever!
I love you all!
<3>
My Wish - Rascal Flatts
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you wanna go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.
But more than anything, more than anything...
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but you never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah, more than anything...
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
Yeah, yeah.
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish (my wish, for you).
This is my wish (my wish, for you)
I hope you know somebody loves you (my wish, for you).
May all your dreams stay big (my wish, for you).
And that is my wish for all my friends not only for Christmas, but forever!
I love you all!
<3>
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
High School
Some days I hate High School. I hate the petty drama, I hate how everyone is so fake, I hate the 'groups'.
I know when I'm not wanted. Trust me, you may not think I do, but I do. I know that if you all it took to be with that group of people was to ditch us, you would. I get it. They're popular and we're not. That doesn't bother me, never has and never will. I don't enjoy the 'popular' scene anyway. They drink, smoke, gossip, make out, and what not. It's not me. But if you ask me, you have some pretty amazing friends. I know I wouldn't give them up for the world.
<3>
I know when I'm not wanted. Trust me, you may not think I do, but I do. I know that if you all it took to be with that group of people was to ditch us, you would. I get it. They're popular and we're not. That doesn't bother me, never has and never will. I don't enjoy the 'popular' scene anyway. They drink, smoke, gossip, make out, and what not. It's not me. But if you ask me, you have some pretty amazing friends. I know I wouldn't give them up for the world.
<3>
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Selfish
Okay, I'm going to be selfish for a little bit here. Just a little rant.
I guess its hard to love something so much and have none of your family want to share that with you. Is it really that hard to give up a couple of hours to see what I've done? I was really proud of it this time. I did more than juts push a button. Whatever happen to you being proud of me?
Also, when will I get my time with my dad? That's all I've been asking for weeks now. Then all of a sudden my sister gets to do my absolute favorite thing with my dad; go to a hockey game. That used to be our thing, and now everyone wants to go? That's hard to deal with. If you want to get me a gift that will make me cry this Christmas, get me a day out with just my dad. That would do it.
Okay, honestly guys, is it really that hard to include us? I mean, this show means the world to her but shopping is more important? And since where do you get the idea that you can say things like "It's just a show, who really cares about it anyway? It's not like it's important anyway"? It may not seem like a big thing, or may not be something you're interested in, but its what a lot of us want to do for the rest of our lives. This is what we had been doing for 3 months, so yeah, it was kind of a big deal. Even if it was "only two shows".
I don't understand you anymore. All I want to know is where you stand, what your feelings are towards me. I don't even care if you don't like me, this guessing game is killing me. But I guess I can't blame you, I can't seem to just say that I like you. I mean, is it really that hard? Apparently. But, what I do ask of you is that if you don't like me, please stop standing so close. It's kind of hard to breath.
Follow your heart. Don't do this for me, or for her, or for family or friends. Do this for yourself. If your heart says go, go. If not, stay here. But whatever you do, do NOT regret it. If things don't work out, use it as a learning experience. You are an amazing person who deserves someone equally amazing. Now, I have never met this person but from what hear/read she has a giant heart that has room for something potentially incredible. Don't stay because you're afraid and don't go because you feel you have to, do what you in your heart know is right. That is the path you should take.
Love for all
<3>
I guess its hard to love something so much and have none of your family want to share that with you. Is it really that hard to give up a couple of hours to see what I've done? I was really proud of it this time. I did more than juts push a button. Whatever happen to you being proud of me?
Also, when will I get my time with my dad? That's all I've been asking for weeks now. Then all of a sudden my sister gets to do my absolute favorite thing with my dad; go to a hockey game. That used to be our thing, and now everyone wants to go? That's hard to deal with. If you want to get me a gift that will make me cry this Christmas, get me a day out with just my dad. That would do it.
Okay, honestly guys, is it really that hard to include us? I mean, this show means the world to her but shopping is more important? And since where do you get the idea that you can say things like "It's just a show, who really cares about it anyway? It's not like it's important anyway"? It may not seem like a big thing, or may not be something you're interested in, but its what a lot of us want to do for the rest of our lives. This is what we had been doing for 3 months, so yeah, it was kind of a big deal. Even if it was "only two shows".
I don't understand you anymore. All I want to know is where you stand, what your feelings are towards me. I don't even care if you don't like me, this guessing game is killing me. But I guess I can't blame you, I can't seem to just say that I like you. I mean, is it really that hard? Apparently. But, what I do ask of you is that if you don't like me, please stop standing so close. It's kind of hard to breath.
Follow your heart. Don't do this for me, or for her, or for family or friends. Do this for yourself. If your heart says go, go. If not, stay here. But whatever you do, do NOT regret it. If things don't work out, use it as a learning experience. You are an amazing person who deserves someone equally amazing. Now, I have never met this person but from what hear/read she has a giant heart that has room for something potentially incredible. Don't stay because you're afraid and don't go because you feel you have to, do what you in your heart know is right. That is the path you should take.
Love for all
<3>
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Ready, Set, Breath
Okay, stressful week! But now its almost over, so everyone just breath. This weekend we can all sleep, relax, and just get back to our normal selves. I know its stressful now, but just think about how great everything will be when it goes up. I know you all maybe extremely stresses and not enjoying yourself but look at it through my eyes. I have never had the opportunity to do something like this! I am loving it! I may complain about getting up early or whatever but I really am loving it. I'm using it as a learning experience. So if people aren't enjoying it, I'm sorry you're missing out on something wonderful.
Anyway, on another note (besides the shows), I'm having a really good, tiring but good, week! I'm not sure what the reasoning is behind it, its just been great. Something that really made me smile was the lunch lady coming up to me today and complimenting me. She said that she really like the color of my hair and that it made my eyes look really pretty. Considering no one had really said too much to me about it, and I don't get compliments that often, it was really nice.
Oh, talking about compliments....This is going to sound very contradicting, but I have recently realized that I honestly don't like recognition. I enjoy getting compliments, but to be recognized for something I have done, or am doing, yeah I don't particularly like it. It's really weird but it makes me feel uncomfortable. I've gotten used to G&G (hehe, thats cool) getting thanked and stuff for all the tech stuff and it really doesn't bother me. I'm just glad to be apart of it. =]
I ate lunch with M today. It was really nice. We got to catch up and she helped me out a lot. She also got to see a real live Melissa Mouth Failure! It was exciting! HAHA, well at least now someone else has seen it and knows how funny it all is. Though it all worked out because my Broken Mouth Syndrome didn't catch me in time just a little bit later! Yay for being able to talk!Hehe
Anyway, bed is calling!!
<3>
Anyway, on another note (besides the shows), I'm having a really good, tiring but good, week! I'm not sure what the reasoning is behind it, its just been great. Something that really made me smile was the lunch lady coming up to me today and complimenting me. She said that she really like the color of my hair and that it made my eyes look really pretty. Considering no one had really said too much to me about it, and I don't get compliments that often, it was really nice.
Oh, talking about compliments....This is going to sound very contradicting, but I have recently realized that I honestly don't like recognition. I enjoy getting compliments, but to be recognized for something I have done, or am doing, yeah I don't particularly like it. It's really weird but it makes me feel uncomfortable. I've gotten used to G&G (hehe, thats cool) getting thanked and stuff for all the tech stuff and it really doesn't bother me. I'm just glad to be apart of it. =]
I ate lunch with M today. It was really nice. We got to catch up and she helped me out a lot. She also got to see a real live Melissa Mouth Failure! It was exciting! HAHA, well at least now someone else has seen it and knows how funny it all is. Though it all worked out because my Broken Mouth Syndrome didn't catch me in time just a little bit later! Yay for being able to talk!Hehe
Anyway, bed is calling!!
<3>
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
DisturBED
I now know I am exhausted! Well at the Disturbed concert, they had their name on a big backdrop behind them. Of course the only letters I could focus on were BED. Yep, exhaustion's hit....
<3>
<3>
Sunday, November 30, 2008
I stole it....again....
1. You have 10 dollars and need to buy snacks at a gas station:
SLURPEES!!
2. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be?
A Sea Horse (is that one word?)
3. Who's your favorite redhead?
Probably Marshall
4. What do you order when you're at IHOP?
Is that like Denny's?
5. Last book you read?
Sloth
6. Describe your favorite pair of underwear
The yellow ones....with OWLS
7. Describe the last time you were injured:
When I tripped going upstairs like 20 minutes ago
8. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?
Jordan, or Mike
9. Rock concert or symphony?
Rock Concert
10. What is the wallpaper of your cell phone?
The sunset
11. Soda?
Pepsi! BAHAHAHAHA "jumping" pepsi
12. What type of shirt are you wearing?
A Hitmen One
13. If you could only use one form of transportation for the rest of your life what would it be?
I'd fly
14. Most recent movie you've watched in theatres?
TWILIGHT
15. Name an actor/actress you've had the hots for:
Ed Westwick
16. What's your favorite kind of cake?
Any cake I make with Friends
17. What did you have for dinner last night?
Rice and Meat Sauce
18. Look to your left, what do you see?
Snake, Sprinkles, Books, Keys, Clothes, Clock, Money, Tickets, Movie, More Clothes, you get the point...
19. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
That's too much work
20. Favorite toy as a child?
The Kitchen Set!
21. Do you buy your own groceries?
Ha!
22. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
I know they do
23. When's the last time you had a sour gummy worms?
November 21 4:17 pm? (You expect me to remember this stuff?!?!)
24. Whats your favorite fruit?
Definitely Raspberries
25. Do you have a picture of yourself doing a cartwheel?
I can't cartwheel in the first place
26. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Sure don't
27. Have you ever eaten snow?
Of Course!
28. What color are your bedsheets?
Right now, there are none on my bed....
29. What's your favorite flower?
Colorful?
30. Were you or are you in ballet?
Jazz Actually
31. Do you listen to classical music?
Not often
32. Do you have a "wacky noodle"?
Like the thing for the pool?
33. Do you watch Spongebob?
"Who Lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS!"......no, I don't I just know the theme song
34. Last food you ate?
Yawbus!
35. Do people consider you smart?
Possibly?
36. What time is it?
11:27 PM
37. Is your away message on?
No, because I'm not away....
38. Have you ever tried gluing your fingers together?
Yes.....
39. What curse word do you use the most?
I have no idea
40. Do you own an iPod?
Yep!
41. What time is your alarm clock set for?
Currently 6:30
42. What CD is currently in your CD player?
Rise Against
43. What movie do you know every line to?
None?
44. What is your favorite salad dressing?
Depends
45. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
Probably
46. How old will you be on your next birthday?
18! 45 Days! GAH, thats scary
47. Do you enjoy giving hugs?
Yeah I do!
48. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
Today around 4:30 I think
49. What's the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name?
Never heard it mispronounced
50. If you were to become famous, would you drop your last name?
Probably not....Then again I could be "The Awesomely Amazing and Amazingly Awesome Melissa"
Yeah, that would be cool....
SLURPEES!!
2. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be?
A Sea Horse (is that one word?)
3. Who's your favorite redhead?
Probably Marshall
4. What do you order when you're at IHOP?
Is that like Denny's?
5. Last book you read?
Sloth
6. Describe your favorite pair of underwear
The yellow ones....with OWLS
7. Describe the last time you were injured:
When I tripped going upstairs like 20 minutes ago
8. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?
Jordan, or Mike
9. Rock concert or symphony?
Rock Concert
10. What is the wallpaper of your cell phone?
The sunset
11. Soda?
Pepsi! BAHAHAHAHA "jumping" pepsi
12. What type of shirt are you wearing?
A Hitmen One
13. If you could only use one form of transportation for the rest of your life what would it be?
I'd fly
14. Most recent movie you've watched in theatres?
TWILIGHT
15. Name an actor/actress you've had the hots for:
Ed Westwick
16. What's your favorite kind of cake?
Any cake I make with Friends
17. What did you have for dinner last night?
Rice and Meat Sauce
18. Look to your left, what do you see?
Snake, Sprinkles, Books, Keys, Clothes, Clock, Money, Tickets, Movie, More Clothes, you get the point...
19. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
That's too much work
20. Favorite toy as a child?
The Kitchen Set!
21. Do you buy your own groceries?
Ha!
22. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
I know they do
23. When's the last time you had a sour gummy worms?
November 21 4:17 pm? (You expect me to remember this stuff?!?!)
24. Whats your favorite fruit?
Definitely Raspberries
25. Do you have a picture of yourself doing a cartwheel?
I can't cartwheel in the first place
26. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Sure don't
27. Have you ever eaten snow?
Of Course!
28. What color are your bedsheets?
Right now, there are none on my bed....
29. What's your favorite flower?
Colorful?
30. Were you or are you in ballet?
Jazz Actually
31. Do you listen to classical music?
Not often
32. Do you have a "wacky noodle"?
Like the thing for the pool?
33. Do you watch Spongebob?
"Who Lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS!"......no, I don't I just know the theme song
34. Last food you ate?
Yawbus!
35. Do people consider you smart?
Possibly?
36. What time is it?
11:27 PM
37. Is your away message on?
No, because I'm not away....
38. Have you ever tried gluing your fingers together?
Yes.....
39. What curse word do you use the most?
I have no idea
40. Do you own an iPod?
Yep!
41. What time is your alarm clock set for?
Currently 6:30
42. What CD is currently in your CD player?
Rise Against
43. What movie do you know every line to?
None?
44. What is your favorite salad dressing?
Depends
45. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
Probably
46. How old will you be on your next birthday?
18! 45 Days! GAH, thats scary
47. Do you enjoy giving hugs?
Yeah I do!
48. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
Today around 4:30 I think
49. What's the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name?
Never heard it mispronounced
50. If you were to become famous, would you drop your last name?
Probably not....Then again I could be "The Awesomely Amazing and Amazingly Awesome Melissa"
Yeah, that would be cool....
Friday, November 28, 2008
I SHOULD Sleep...
81 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME UNTIL YOU READ THIS:
1, What color is your toothbrush?
Blue, White, Green
2, Name one person that made you smile today
Oh god, Lets see, Graeme when he fell off the chair, Graham dancing, Anyone who tickled me, ect.
3, What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Umm, probably mopping up the unwanted water in the theatre.
4, What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
Checking things on facebook
5, What is your favorite candy?
Gummy Bears
6, Have you ever been to a strip club?
Nope\
7, What is the last thing you said aloud?
Good Night?
8, What is the best ice cream flavor?
Peanut butter cup
9, What was the last thing you had to drink?
Sprite
10, What is the longest you have gone without sleeping?
I think it was 38 or something like that
11, Have you ever made a promise you'd die to keep?
Yes
12, Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
No
13, The last sporting event you watched?
HITMEN!!
14, What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
Popcorn has flavor?
15, Who is the last person you sent a message to on facebook?
MT35 directors of sorts
16, Ever go camping?
Yeah, I love it
17, Do you take vitamins daily?
Nope
18, Do you go to church every Sunday?
No
19,Do you have a tan?
HAHAHAHHA, I haven't seen sunlight in a while
20, Do you like Chinese food over pizza?
Yeah, I don't care for pizza, especially Pepporonni :P
21, Do you drink your soda with a straw?
If I can
22, What did your last text message say?
"OMG Backstreet boys just came on vibe lol"
23, What are you doing tomorrow?
Blah, work
24, Where is your dad?
Upstairs?
25, Look to your left, what do you see?
Mess, Snake, Clock, Clothes
26, What color is your watch?
Invisible! hehe
27,What do you think of when you hear Australia?
Warmth, Spiders
28, What is your birthstone?
umm.....
29, Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
I don't like the drive-thru
30, What is your favorite number?
14
31, Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
Dad
32, Any plans today?
sleep
34, Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
That I have a mouth that refuses to work, and boys, they're pretty annoying too lol
35, Last song listened to?
I think its called Tetris? Its on a CD I found lol
36,Can you say the alphabet backwards?
I've never tried, z y x w.....
37, Do you have a maid service clean your house?
HAHAHAHAHAHA, Have you Seen my house?
38, Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Circas =] but they have a hole....
39, Are you jealous of anyone?
Yes
40, Is anyone jealous of you?
Don't think so
41, Do you love anyone?
Yes, All my friends and family
42, Do any of your friends have children?
Yep
43, What do you usually do during the day?
I'm forced to go to class, but then I'm in the theatre =]
44, Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
Nope
45, Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
Yeah.....
46, What color is your car?
Black
47, Do you like cats?
WHO DOESN'T?!?!? MEOW
49, Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Nope
50, How did you get your worst scar?
Surgery
51, Last cigarette?
Never had one
52, last CD played?
Random CD!!
53, last BUBBLE bath?
Meh?
54, last time you cried?
When the mascot sat in front of me? lol
54, last meal?
Hot Dog
55, have you ever dated someone twice?
No
56, have you ever kissed someone & regreted it?
Nope
57, have you ever fallen in love?
I'm not sure, I don't think so though
58, you ever lost someone?
Sure have
59, have you ever slept until 1pm?
Nope
60, you ever been drunk and threw up ?
Nope
61, list FIVE people you can tell pretty much anything to –
Graham, Brian, Lauren, Ian, Elisa
62, list THREE favorite colors/shades —
Red, Black, Yellow
63, Laughed until you cried:
Today
64, Went behind your parents back:
yes
65, Your last kiss?
Oh god, a while ago
66, Gay Marriage?
Go for it
67, Lowering the drinking age?
No Opinion, probably not though
68, Straight, Gay, or Bi?
Straight
69, Who are the best huggers that you know?
Well, this calls for a Hug Off, MONDAY!
70, Believe in love at first sight?
Unsure
71. Is there something you want to tell someone?
Oh yeah!
72, What brand of shirt are you wearing?
Hitmen?
73, Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?
Possibly....
74, How many kids do you want to have?
That's too far away to think about
75, Do you want to change your name?
Possibly to Gramette
76, Last time you saw your father?
An hour ago?
77, What time did you wake up today?
6:15
76, how old are you?
17 years and 318 days
79, What were you doing at midnight last night:
sleeping?
80, What is your favorite thing in your room?
Pictures
81, Where is your best friend right now?
bed, room, unsure
1, What color is your toothbrush?
Blue, White, Green
2, Name one person that made you smile today
Oh god, Lets see, Graeme when he fell off the chair, Graham dancing, Anyone who tickled me, ect.
3, What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Umm, probably mopping up the unwanted water in the theatre.
4, What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
Checking things on facebook
5, What is your favorite candy?
Gummy Bears
6, Have you ever been to a strip club?
Nope\
7, What is the last thing you said aloud?
Good Night?
8, What is the best ice cream flavor?
Peanut butter cup
9, What was the last thing you had to drink?
Sprite
10, What is the longest you have gone without sleeping?
I think it was 38 or something like that
11, Have you ever made a promise you'd die to keep?
Yes
12, Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
No
13, The last sporting event you watched?
HITMEN!!
14, What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
Popcorn has flavor?
15, Who is the last person you sent a message to on facebook?
MT35 directors of sorts
16, Ever go camping?
Yeah, I love it
17, Do you take vitamins daily?
Nope
18, Do you go to church every Sunday?
No
19,Do you have a tan?
HAHAHAHHA, I haven't seen sunlight in a while
20, Do you like Chinese food over pizza?
Yeah, I don't care for pizza, especially Pepporonni :P
21, Do you drink your soda with a straw?
If I can
22, What did your last text message say?
"OMG Backstreet boys just came on vibe lol"
23, What are you doing tomorrow?
Blah, work
24, Where is your dad?
Upstairs?
25, Look to your left, what do you see?
Mess, Snake, Clock, Clothes
26, What color is your watch?
Invisible! hehe
27,What do you think of when you hear Australia?
Warmth, Spiders
28, What is your birthstone?
umm.....
29, Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
I don't like the drive-thru
30, What is your favorite number?
14
31, Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
Dad
32, Any plans today?
sleep
34, Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
That I have a mouth that refuses to work, and boys, they're pretty annoying too lol
35, Last song listened to?
I think its called Tetris? Its on a CD I found lol
36,Can you say the alphabet backwards?
I've never tried, z y x w.....
37, Do you have a maid service clean your house?
HAHAHAHAHAHA, Have you Seen my house?
38, Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Circas =] but they have a hole....
39, Are you jealous of anyone?
Yes
40, Is anyone jealous of you?
Don't think so
41, Do you love anyone?
Yes, All my friends and family
42, Do any of your friends have children?
Yep
43, What do you usually do during the day?
I'm forced to go to class, but then I'm in the theatre =]
44, Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
Nope
45, Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
Yeah.....
46, What color is your car?
Black
47, Do you like cats?
WHO DOESN'T?!?!? MEOW
49, Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Nope
50, How did you get your worst scar?
Surgery
51, Last cigarette?
Never had one
52, last CD played?
Random CD!!
53, last BUBBLE bath?
Meh?
54, last time you cried?
When the mascot sat in front of me? lol
54, last meal?
Hot Dog
55, have you ever dated someone twice?
No
56, have you ever kissed someone & regreted it?
Nope
57, have you ever fallen in love?
I'm not sure, I don't think so though
58, you ever lost someone?
Sure have
59, have you ever slept until 1pm?
Nope
60, you ever been drunk and threw up ?
Nope
61, list FIVE people you can tell pretty much anything to –
Graham, Brian, Lauren, Ian, Elisa
62, list THREE favorite colors/shades —
Red, Black, Yellow
63, Laughed until you cried:
Today
64, Went behind your parents back:
yes
65, Your last kiss?
Oh god, a while ago
66, Gay Marriage?
Go for it
67, Lowering the drinking age?
No Opinion, probably not though
68, Straight, Gay, or Bi?
Straight
69, Who are the best huggers that you know?
Well, this calls for a Hug Off, MONDAY!
70, Believe in love at first sight?
Unsure
71. Is there something you want to tell someone?
Oh yeah!
72, What brand of shirt are you wearing?
Hitmen?
73, Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?
Possibly....
74, How many kids do you want to have?
That's too far away to think about
75, Do you want to change your name?
Possibly to Gramette
76, Last time you saw your father?
An hour ago?
77, What time did you wake up today?
6:15
76, how old are you?
17 years and 318 days
79, What were you doing at midnight last night:
sleeping?
80, What is your favorite thing in your room?
Pictures
81, Where is your best friend right now?
bed, room, unsure
Sunday, November 16, 2008
.Secret #5.
I wish I was as happy as I portray all the time. I mean, I am generally a happy person, but its that few days that I'm really down and it just ruins my whole week. It's terrible.
<3>
<3>
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Trust
Well, that is because I do trust you. 100%. With my life. I think you're the only person I can actually say that to and mean it. Sure I can trust people, but its not the same. I would NEVER give anyone the password to my life basically without knowing they wouldn't do anything with it. I keep all my important and meaningful things with that password. So thank you! And, I DO trust you more than you'll know.
<3>
<3>
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Best Friends
This is my promise to you. We will forever be friends of the greatest kind! I couldn't live without you and I mean that. If there is any doubt whatsoever, please see post entitled "Dear You". For any question you will find the answer there.
<3>
<3>
That's Life
This is what I was afraid of. This is why I was hesitant to say anything. I never want to hurt you like I did last time. Never again.
Things were fine until I said something. But then you said you liked someone else and I was really happy for you. I knew she had to be one amazing girl and I just wanted thing to work out for you. After that I stopped worrying so much about you being upset. I mean you had someone else, right? So I got up to the point where I was so close to asking. That's when I read it and I knew it was bothering you.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, I just want you to know where I'm coming from. So I've made a decision. If this really upsets you like I think it does, I won't go through with it. I won't say anything to him because the last thing I want to do is hurt you again.
You are my best friend and I would never do anything to compromise that. SO for now, unless you say that you're going to be okay with it and it won't hurt you, I'll stay quiet. And please don't say something because you feel you have to.
<3>
Things were fine until I said something. But then you said you liked someone else and I was really happy for you. I knew she had to be one amazing girl and I just wanted thing to work out for you. After that I stopped worrying so much about you being upset. I mean you had someone else, right? So I got up to the point where I was so close to asking. That's when I read it and I knew it was bothering you.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, I just want you to know where I'm coming from. So I've made a decision. If this really upsets you like I think it does, I won't go through with it. I won't say anything to him because the last thing I want to do is hurt you again.
You are my best friend and I would never do anything to compromise that. SO for now, unless you say that you're going to be okay with it and it won't hurt you, I'll stay quiet. And please don't say something because you feel you have to.
<3>
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
.Secret #4.
When I go to bed, you're the last thing I think about. I just wish I was what you thought about last.
One day my mouth will work. This I promise.
<3>
One day my mouth will work. This I promise.
<3>
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
I don't know what to say to you anymore...
I don't get it. I thought everything was fine and then everything just exploded.
I don't think I can apologize much more to you. No one intentionally ignored you, though its kind of hard to ignore you when you don't say anything. It's almost like you're testing us which isn't fair! If you feel ignored, interject things! I can guarantee that we won't ignore you then. We really are your friends and do want you around.
As for being annoyed with Mamma Mia, well there's nothing I can for you there. I am not going to stop discussing things we need to do just because you're annoyed. It's one of the few times we get to talk about it all together. Plus, I absolutely love doing tech and it's a large part of my life right now. I'm sorry you're not involved with that.
When we were playing Waldo, we weren't ignoring you, we were playing a game. It may have become an obsession, but not before you left. At that time we were just having fun. No one minded that you hung out with your other friends. You're not forced to sit with us every day. We all have lives outside of our group of friends.
So whatever it was that made you upset, well hopefully your can work it out because there's not a lot I can for you. I've said sorry and explained what happened, so take it for what you want.
<3>
I don't think I can apologize much more to you. No one intentionally ignored you, though its kind of hard to ignore you when you don't say anything. It's almost like you're testing us which isn't fair! If you feel ignored, interject things! I can guarantee that we won't ignore you then. We really are your friends and do want you around.
As for being annoyed with Mamma Mia, well there's nothing I can for you there. I am not going to stop discussing things we need to do just because you're annoyed. It's one of the few times we get to talk about it all together. Plus, I absolutely love doing tech and it's a large part of my life right now. I'm sorry you're not involved with that.
When we were playing Waldo, we weren't ignoring you, we were playing a game. It may have become an obsession, but not before you left. At that time we were just having fun. No one minded that you hung out with your other friends. You're not forced to sit with us every day. We all have lives outside of our group of friends.
So whatever it was that made you upset, well hopefully your can work it out because there's not a lot I can for you. I've said sorry and explained what happened, so take it for what you want.
<3>
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Dear You
G,
First of all I want you to know that you ARE one of my absolute best friends, if not my best friend. That's a little hard to get across in a text message.You are always so supportive of me and have always been there for me right from that first fire drill. I also know that you will continue to be there and supportive of me. I only hope that I can be be as supportive of you. Please know that I couldn't have made it without you last year, and I mean that.
You are one of the few people I can tell absolutely anything and everything to. You have helped me so much that I will never be able to fully repay you. As of now I actually owe you my life and then some. It's amazing how much one person can influence your life.
All I want for you is complete happiness. If there's one person in the world that deserves it, it's you. If this happiness means moving to B.C. then I'll support you. Sure, I would miss you like crazy but I would know that your were happy and that's all that really matters. Just know that I WOULD visit quite often!
On of the things I love most about you is you take, and understand, everything I say to heart. Your response to my blog on Ireland was great. It meant so much to me. When I do go I know we will stay in touch and who knows, maybe you`ll even be able to come visit once or twice.
You're amazing. I've said it before and I'll say it multiple times more, but I'll mean it every time I say it. Thank you. For everything.
<3>
First of all I want you to know that you ARE one of my absolute best friends, if not my best friend. That's a little hard to get across in a text message.You are always so supportive of me and have always been there for me right from that first fire drill. I also know that you will continue to be there and supportive of me. I only hope that I can be be as supportive of you. Please know that I couldn't have made it without you last year, and I mean that.
You are one of the few people I can tell absolutely anything and everything to. You have helped me so much that I will never be able to fully repay you. As of now I actually owe you my life and then some. It's amazing how much one person can influence your life.
All I want for you is complete happiness. If there's one person in the world that deserves it, it's you. If this happiness means moving to B.C. then I'll support you. Sure, I would miss you like crazy but I would know that your were happy and that's all that really matters. Just know that I WOULD visit quite often!
On of the things I love most about you is you take, and understand, everything I say to heart. Your response to my blog on Ireland was great. It meant so much to me. When I do go I know we will stay in touch and who knows, maybe you`ll even be able to come visit once or twice.
You're amazing. I've said it before and I'll say it multiple times more, but I'll mean it every time I say it. Thank you. For everything.
<3>
Monday, October 27, 2008
Who knows anymore?
Nothing. You did absolutely nothing. Knowing this, I'll write and explain it all here, but please note, not everyone will like everything I write here.
Not every time that I seem sad or upset is something wrong. A lot of the time I just have way more to think and worry about then I can even imagine. Last week was a perfect example.
Last week I had main stage, Mamma Mia, Jubilee, an exam every day, work, homework, ect. Its just been a little insane. But you understand this, I know that.
Main stage is ALWAYS the highlight of my day. The people there are amazing and I just have so much fun being there. Its such a great environment to be in and lets me forget all about the everyday stresses I have. I love being there.
Mamma Mia, even though it's generally at unbelievably early times when NO ONE should be at school (hehe, just kidding), I still love doing it. I always learn something there and it makes me feel like I have a specific job for tech. It's great.
The Jubilee was also amazing! I never imagined I would learn so much in such a small amount of time! Even the people there were so inviting and everyone was willing to show me something. Being there just made me want to do that for a career that much more. I love the atmosphere of any theatre. I can not wait until that is my job.
School has been the most stressful thing for me to focus on. As much as I want good grades and what not, I can't help but think that most of this is dumb and my time would be much better used elsewhere. I can barely fit homework into my schedule, but I wouldn't cut out any of the tech out of my schedule.
On top of all of this, I have so much more to deal with every day. I guess one of the main reasons I have seemed so distant this past week was I have been trying to figure out if I really do in fact like the guy I think I like. This can be the most confusing part in anyone's life. After you figure that out, you have to figure out whether they may like you as well, and if you should tell anyone and if so who? Every time I find a reason to believe he does return my feelings, I also find one for the opposite. It's extremely difficult. Also, as of now, I've told a total of two people about it and that was hard enough. I just don't want to hurt or upset anyone with how I feel. But as of now, I feel like I need to say something, even if it is just one here, because I really want this to work. I don't want to have to wonder anymore.
So, I'm sorry I have been so weird lately, life caught up to me, I was holding too much in and I guess I couldn't hide it anymore. But please, don't worry about me, and if you do, don't be afraid to question me on it!
<3>
Not every time that I seem sad or upset is something wrong. A lot of the time I just have way more to think and worry about then I can even imagine. Last week was a perfect example.
Last week I had main stage, Mamma Mia, Jubilee, an exam every day, work, homework, ect. Its just been a little insane. But you understand this, I know that.
Main stage is ALWAYS the highlight of my day. The people there are amazing and I just have so much fun being there. Its such a great environment to be in and lets me forget all about the everyday stresses I have. I love being there.
Mamma Mia, even though it's generally at unbelievably early times when NO ONE should be at school (hehe, just kidding), I still love doing it. I always learn something there and it makes me feel like I have a specific job for tech. It's great.
The Jubilee was also amazing! I never imagined I would learn so much in such a small amount of time! Even the people there were so inviting and everyone was willing to show me something. Being there just made me want to do that for a career that much more. I love the atmosphere of any theatre. I can not wait until that is my job.
School has been the most stressful thing for me to focus on. As much as I want good grades and what not, I can't help but think that most of this is dumb and my time would be much better used elsewhere. I can barely fit homework into my schedule, but I wouldn't cut out any of the tech out of my schedule.
On top of all of this, I have so much more to deal with every day. I guess one of the main reasons I have seemed so distant this past week was I have been trying to figure out if I really do in fact like the guy I think I like. This can be the most confusing part in anyone's life. After you figure that out, you have to figure out whether they may like you as well, and if you should tell anyone and if so who? Every time I find a reason to believe he does return my feelings, I also find one for the opposite. It's extremely difficult. Also, as of now, I've told a total of two people about it and that was hard enough. I just don't want to hurt or upset anyone with how I feel. But as of now, I feel like I need to say something, even if it is just one here, because I really want this to work. I don't want to have to wonder anymore.
So, I'm sorry I have been so weird lately, life caught up to me, I was holding too much in and I guess I couldn't hide it anymore. But please, don't worry about me, and if you do, don't be afraid to question me on it!
<3>
Monday, October 20, 2008
.Secret #3.
My worst fear is failing. It means humiliation sometimes and I've had enough of that in my life. But, good news is, is the only thing I need to realize is that if I learn I never fail. Now let's get there =]
<3>
<3>
You're kidding
Honestly, how is it that one person can ALWAYS get what they want? I mean, in my house, it's Jordan. No matter what the topic, what the issue, what her demands, she always gets it.
Now usually it doesn't effect me but seriously, driving down to bowness every morning? "It's only 20 minutes out of your way" Yeah, 20 minutes earlier I have to get up, 20 minutes less time to be with my friends, NO starbucks on most mornings!! This is possibly the worst idea I've ever heard. It was working just fine when she left with my step mom in the morning before I started driving, so why are we switching it now? Well I'll tell you why! It's because Jordan "doesn't like getting up early just to sit in the car for a while." And yes, she did say that.
The whole point of my parents driving everyone one to school was to ensure they didn't have to buy bus passes to save some money. Now I pay for my own gas, so there's more money I have to pay, and they have to pay with buying her a bus pass to get home(or whatever they're deciding at the moment, I kind of stopped listening)
Oh wait, now we're discussing: TIME MANAGEMENT! God, like I've never heard this speech before. I mean, obviously my parents have NO idea how much stuff I pack into one day. And seriously, have they sen my agenda lately? It's color coated, and has practically everything I have to do in it(besides my homework). Yes, I was really bad at managing my time a little while ago, but I have improved TONS!
Anyway, That was my rant for the night.
<3>
Now usually it doesn't effect me but seriously, driving down to bowness every morning? "It's only 20 minutes out of your way" Yeah, 20 minutes earlier I have to get up, 20 minutes less time to be with my friends, NO starbucks on most mornings!! This is possibly the worst idea I've ever heard. It was working just fine when she left with my step mom in the morning before I started driving, so why are we switching it now? Well I'll tell you why! It's because Jordan "doesn't like getting up early just to sit in the car for a while." And yes, she did say that.
The whole point of my parents driving everyone one to school was to ensure they didn't have to buy bus passes to save some money. Now I pay for my own gas, so there's more money I have to pay, and they have to pay with buying her a bus pass to get home(or whatever they're deciding at the moment, I kind of stopped listening)
Oh wait, now we're discussing: TIME MANAGEMENT! God, like I've never heard this speech before. I mean, obviously my parents have NO idea how much stuff I pack into one day. And seriously, have they sen my agenda lately? It's color coated, and has practically everything I have to do in it(besides my homework). Yes, I was really bad at managing my time a little while ago, but I have improved TONS!
Anyway, That was my rant for the night.
<3>
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Ireland
Okay, so ever since people have decided that I'm dead serious about going to Ireland for a year, they've been telling me they don't want me to go. Sorry guys, I don't get it.
This has been my dream for as long as I can remember, to travel. For me, this Swap program is like a gift!! Here's something that will allow me to travel and give me somewhere reliable if I need help. Its possibly the most amazing thing that could have happened to me.
Now that it's in my plan for after high school, people are......I don't know, getting scared? worried? I'm not sure what the right word is there, but its a little frustrating. I mean, I know that they all support me in whatever I choose to do, but I just keep getting questioned about it. I don't really know why everyone is so concerned. If its because they think a year over there will change me, well they're probably right, but remember, its usually for the better. If they think its because I may not come home, well that's not even a possibility! My entire life will still be here!! I can't think of any other reason why people would oppose me going.
Now I know if it were the other way around I would definitely miss my friend/family member, but when it really comes down to it, it's their life and they'll do what they choose. I would look at it as an option for a vacation if it was affordable.
So help me out here, Why shouldn't I go to Ireland? I want to honestly know!!
I hope this doesn't offend anyone, its just me ranting.......but do answer the question.
<3>
This has been my dream for as long as I can remember, to travel. For me, this Swap program is like a gift!! Here's something that will allow me to travel and give me somewhere reliable if I need help. Its possibly the most amazing thing that could have happened to me.
Now that it's in my plan for after high school, people are......I don't know, getting scared? worried? I'm not sure what the right word is there, but its a little frustrating. I mean, I know that they all support me in whatever I choose to do, but I just keep getting questioned about it. I don't really know why everyone is so concerned. If its because they think a year over there will change me, well they're probably right, but remember, its usually for the better. If they think its because I may not come home, well that's not even a possibility! My entire life will still be here!! I can't think of any other reason why people would oppose me going.
Now I know if it were the other way around I would definitely miss my friend/family member, but when it really comes down to it, it's their life and they'll do what they choose. I would look at it as an option for a vacation if it was affordable.
So help me out here, Why shouldn't I go to Ireland? I want to honestly know!!
I hope this doesn't offend anyone, its just me ranting.......but do answer the question.
<3>
Friday, October 17, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Shock
Complete shock is what it was. What it still is. I still don't understand.
I guess there's not much to understand though is there? I should know, I was there. Just one day, that day where life just gets too much to handle anymore, you snap. I get it. Luckily we both pulled through. I know it may still seem like its the only choice, probably will for a while, but trust me, it's not. We (and right now I'm speaking for all your friends, those at the hospital, those who's thoughts were with you, the people you may not even know about) all love you. I know that you are one of my best friends! It may not seem like it, but you definitely have helped me more than you could ever imagine. I owe you big time now!
I guess it takes something like this to really open your eyes, really show you how important people are. And you are definitely important to me. Man, I don't know what I would have done if I lost you. Honestly, you are one of the few people that I can openly talk to.
I know people probably say this so much that it means nothing anymore, but seriously, I'm here if you need to talk. In fact I WANT you to talk to me, rant to me, ask for advice, tell me things. I know usually I can't give much advice or be much help, but this is one area I can help. I've been on both sides of things, multiple times. I can tell you what helped me, what got me through each day, how to avoid those hard situations. I just need you to be okay again.
You are my angel! You have been through all this, and I know it will just make you stronger. Just remember, you are here for a reason, a purpose. And that everything happens for a reason. For whatever reason, you may not know it now, or anytime soon, but one day you will figure it out, this happened to you, to us, for a reason. One day it will make you stronger.
We love you! I'll be praying for you, and maybe I'll be able to make it out to see you soon. It's the least I can do.
A<3
<3>
I guess there's not much to understand though is there? I should know, I was there. Just one day, that day where life just gets too much to handle anymore, you snap. I get it. Luckily we both pulled through. I know it may still seem like its the only choice, probably will for a while, but trust me, it's not. We (and right now I'm speaking for all your friends, those at the hospital, those who's thoughts were with you, the people you may not even know about) all love you. I know that you are one of my best friends! It may not seem like it, but you definitely have helped me more than you could ever imagine. I owe you big time now!
I guess it takes something like this to really open your eyes, really show you how important people are. And you are definitely important to me. Man, I don't know what I would have done if I lost you. Honestly, you are one of the few people that I can openly talk to.
I know people probably say this so much that it means nothing anymore, but seriously, I'm here if you need to talk. In fact I WANT you to talk to me, rant to me, ask for advice, tell me things. I know usually I can't give much advice or be much help, but this is one area I can help. I've been on both sides of things, multiple times. I can tell you what helped me, what got me through each day, how to avoid those hard situations. I just need you to be okay again.
You are my angel! You have been through all this, and I know it will just make you stronger. Just remember, you are here for a reason, a purpose. And that everything happens for a reason. For whatever reason, you may not know it now, or anytime soon, but one day you will figure it out, this happened to you, to us, for a reason. One day it will make you stronger.
We love you! I'll be praying for you, and maybe I'll be able to make it out to see you soon. It's the least I can do.
A<3
<3>
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Cookies!
I'm no longer a failure at life!! I can bake cookies and not burn them!!
And they are delicious!!
<3>
And they are delicious!!
<3>
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Thankful
Since it is pretty close to Thanksgiving I decided I should really think about what I am grateful for.
I am extremely thankful that I have the friends I do. They are possibly the only thing in my life I can actually count on. They're the ones who've seen me at my absolute worst and best and still have been there to see me through it. I can not imagine what life would be like without them. I just want to thank you all again and again and trust me, thats STILL not enough!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! (And I do you know who reads this, so I mean that with all my heart!)
Also, I am VERY thankful for one friend in particular! I know I probably have put you through hell trying to figure everything out (God, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore...), but you stuck by me through it all! I'm so glad that you're still in my life and I want to keep it that way forever!!
Well, I'll put more up another day!!
<3>
I am extremely thankful that I have the friends I do. They are possibly the only thing in my life I can actually count on. They're the ones who've seen me at my absolute worst and best and still have been there to see me through it. I can not imagine what life would be like without them. I just want to thank you all again and again and trust me, thats STILL not enough!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! (And I do you know who reads this, so I mean that with all my heart!)
Also, I am VERY thankful for one friend in particular! I know I probably have put you through hell trying to figure everything out (God, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore...), but you stuck by me through it all! I'm so glad that you're still in my life and I want to keep it that way forever!!
Well, I'll put more up another day!!
<3>
.Secret #1.
Secret one:
Opposed to what it may seem, I have little self confidence because of my past.
<3>
Opposed to what it may seem, I have little self confidence because of my past.
<3>
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Joy
First if all I want to say sorry to someone for what happened yesterday morning. Thank you so much for being there for me!! Things just got too much to handle and I just broke down and feel extremely bad that you had to see it. But thank you so much again!
Anyway, on a happier note, I feel normal again!! I can wear both of my shoes!! It feels so amazing and I still can't believe that unless you know what happened you couldn't tell (well besides the small limp I have).
I went to work last night and walked around on it for 5 hours and it felt okay. It ached a little, which is probably normal since its been almost 8 weeks since its been walked on. I'm so happy to be back, you have no idea. It's like my life is slowly falling back into place.
For me this is such an accomplishment because it has been so long and there have been some extremely hard times during it. I can finally say I made it through and know that when I go through it again, it won't be so bad. It just feels amazing!!
Now we'll see how it holds up at a hockey game, and if all goes well I can go to school on Monday without anything =] And that means back to school shopping soon!!!
<3>
Anyway, on a happier note, I feel normal again!! I can wear both of my shoes!! It feels so amazing and I still can't believe that unless you know what happened you couldn't tell (well besides the small limp I have).
I went to work last night and walked around on it for 5 hours and it felt okay. It ached a little, which is probably normal since its been almost 8 weeks since its been walked on. I'm so happy to be back, you have no idea. It's like my life is slowly falling back into place.
For me this is such an accomplishment because it has been so long and there have been some extremely hard times during it. I can finally say I made it through and know that when I go through it again, it won't be so bad. It just feels amazing!!
Now we'll see how it holds up at a hockey game, and if all goes well I can go to school on Monday without anything =] And that means back to school shopping soon!!!
<3>
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Beneath the stars
All I want to do is lay beneath the stars. They comfort me, show me there's so much more out there. But I don't want to do it Calgary, no, I want somewhere where you can't hear the cars, where every star is brighter than you could ever imagine, where nothing else matters, where I can get up, walk away and still feel relaxed. I want to lay there, by myself or with someone else, it doesn't matter, and think about nothing more than what the stars show me. I want to watch them until I fall asleep. I want lay in the middle of no where watching the stars slowly drift by, even if it takes all night.
Yeah, that would be my perfect night....
<3>
Yeah, that would be my perfect night....
<3>
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
What Do I Want?
That's possibly the toughest question someone could ask me right now. I don't think I could honestly answer it with one thing.
I want my family back to the way it was a while ago. Back when no body fought, when you didn't have to fight for attention, back when I was more comfortable around my family rather than my friends, back when I was someone in this family. Why do things always have tend up in a fight now a days? Why do I fear I'll come home one day to a broken family? Or who knows, maybe I am living in a broken family that just needs to take that last step to finalize it. No wonder I want to go to Ireland so bad.
I want for once in my life to have my head and my heart agree. I don't want to have to lie awake for hours after I go to bed thinking about every possible situation that may arise and how I'm going to deal with it. I just want to be able to say with 100% confidence that this person will make me happy, no matter what. I don't want the doubt I feel right now. After all of that, I don't want feel afraid. Afraid I may not be good enough, or that something will scare me into something else.
I want to be fully accepted, not only with my friends, but my family too, for who I am. I no longer want to feel like I need to do this or that in order to be accepted. I want to speak freely about how I'm feeling, what I'm going through, and what ideas I have without being judged or have some comment thrown back at me. I just want people to allow me to be me, and not compare me to someone else. I'm not them nor will I ever be, no matter how hard you try to change me.
I want my mom to love me like she use to. I don't want to feel second best anymore. I hate hearing about how my sister is basically better than me. I don't want to feel like I have to be superkid for her to show the tiniest bit interested in me. I want what I do to matter and have some importance in her life.
I want school to come as easy as it did before. I feel like all my brains have fallen out and nothing makes sense anymore. I think I hit the maximum capacity of my brain years ago and it makes me stupid. Everyone else can seem to get it, study it, remember it and feed it back on a test. Me, I can learn it, study, understand it, but never feed it back later. I just don't know whats going on this year. It's not from lack of studying or not doing homework because I do study. I think this year I have studied more than any other year and just keep getting worse grades.
I want to stop going through depression. I just want to be able to get up every day, not worrying about what may come that will just throw me over, and feel good about it. I want to face the things I'm afraid of while not having the constant fear that if it goes badly I could slip up again. I don't want to have to fear being happy just because I know it will only last so long. I want to enjoy the good in life again.
I want to know there is some reason for all this madness in life. I want to know I'm worth something to someone. I want stop making people feel like shit unintentionally. I want my old life back, the one were everything seemed to go great and I wanted to get out of bed every day.
<3>
I want my family back to the way it was a while ago. Back when no body fought, when you didn't have to fight for attention, back when I was more comfortable around my family rather than my friends, back when I was someone in this family. Why do things always have tend up in a fight now a days? Why do I fear I'll come home one day to a broken family? Or who knows, maybe I am living in a broken family that just needs to take that last step to finalize it. No wonder I want to go to Ireland so bad.
I want for once in my life to have my head and my heart agree. I don't want to have to lie awake for hours after I go to bed thinking about every possible situation that may arise and how I'm going to deal with it. I just want to be able to say with 100% confidence that this person will make me happy, no matter what. I don't want the doubt I feel right now. After all of that, I don't want feel afraid. Afraid I may not be good enough, or that something will scare me into something else.
I want to be fully accepted, not only with my friends, but my family too, for who I am. I no longer want to feel like I need to do this or that in order to be accepted. I want to speak freely about how I'm feeling, what I'm going through, and what ideas I have without being judged or have some comment thrown back at me. I just want people to allow me to be me, and not compare me to someone else. I'm not them nor will I ever be, no matter how hard you try to change me.
I want my mom to love me like she use to. I don't want to feel second best anymore. I hate hearing about how my sister is basically better than me. I don't want to feel like I have to be superkid for her to show the tiniest bit interested in me. I want what I do to matter and have some importance in her life.
I want school to come as easy as it did before. I feel like all my brains have fallen out and nothing makes sense anymore. I think I hit the maximum capacity of my brain years ago and it makes me stupid. Everyone else can seem to get it, study it, remember it and feed it back on a test. Me, I can learn it, study, understand it, but never feed it back later. I just don't know whats going on this year. It's not from lack of studying or not doing homework because I do study. I think this year I have studied more than any other year and just keep getting worse grades.
I want to stop going through depression. I just want to be able to get up every day, not worrying about what may come that will just throw me over, and feel good about it. I want to face the things I'm afraid of while not having the constant fear that if it goes badly I could slip up again. I don't want to have to fear being happy just because I know it will only last so long. I want to enjoy the good in life again.
I want to know there is some reason for all this madness in life. I want to know I'm worth something to someone. I want stop making people feel like shit unintentionally. I want my old life back, the one were everything seemed to go great and I wanted to get out of bed every day.
<3>
Sunday, September 28, 2008
When life happens, it happens all at once
Why is it that whenever life seems to happen it always comes fast and furious? I mean, I'm never ready whenever life decides it wants to get very....interesting?
Let's see, right now I am so confused about all of my emotions. I've said all this stuff about not needing to like someone and having no time, and all this, yet I find myself always thinking about it again.
Okay, so lets just say there's one person and I think I might have feelings for them, but there's no way I can tell people. I mean, I see them and I smile, they sign in and I smile, I think about them and I smile. Yet I can't bring myself to do anything about it. It wouldn't be fair to them I don't think. I just don't think they would be willing to go through that again. I guess they are just so caring, so friendly, so helpful, so great, but is it for me or for someone else? I guess this is what I have to figure out.
Then there's the other person. Now I know I don't like this person more than a friend, but I think they think I do and it could be bad. I mean, we're friends, we talk, that's all good, but we don't hang out too often. Now all of a sudden he wants to hang out and is really flirty and I don't know what to do. It's a little stressful. I have to think about everything I say in order to not lead it anywhere, and I have to be careful of what I do. It makes for a complicated situation.
And there's always the time factor. Do I even have time to pursue a relationship? Would it fit into the classes, work, physio, shows, homework, basketball, family, and friends? Does other person have the time?
I wish times were simpler, back when our greatest worry was how much the tooth fairy would give us, or if Santa would still come if I ate that extra cookie when I was told not to.
<3>
Let's see, right now I am so confused about all of my emotions. I've said all this stuff about not needing to like someone and having no time, and all this, yet I find myself always thinking about it again.
Okay, so lets just say there's one person and I think I might have feelings for them, but there's no way I can tell people. I mean, I see them and I smile, they sign in and I smile, I think about them and I smile. Yet I can't bring myself to do anything about it. It wouldn't be fair to them I don't think. I just don't think they would be willing to go through that again. I guess they are just so caring, so friendly, so helpful, so great, but is it for me or for someone else? I guess this is what I have to figure out.
Then there's the other person. Now I know I don't like this person more than a friend, but I think they think I do and it could be bad. I mean, we're friends, we talk, that's all good, but we don't hang out too often. Now all of a sudden he wants to hang out and is really flirty and I don't know what to do. It's a little stressful. I have to think about everything I say in order to not lead it anywhere, and I have to be careful of what I do. It makes for a complicated situation.
And there's always the time factor. Do I even have time to pursue a relationship? Would it fit into the classes, work, physio, shows, homework, basketball, family, and friends? Does other person have the time?
I wish times were simpler, back when our greatest worry was how much the tooth fairy would give us, or if Santa would still come if I ate that extra cookie when I was told not to.
<3>
Thursday, September 25, 2008
To Grow Up All In One Night
Have you ever wondered what it feels like to have to be the grown up of a very large family? Well let me tell you, its hard work.
Okay, so it has been one insane night for me. I got home feeling great, walking, and just relaxing from a busy day. Then I went to have a shower and just let every muscle in my body melt with the warm water flowing over me. That's when my sister knocked and asked to come in. I should have known something was wrong then since she never comes in the bathroom when I'm showering. She tells me my other sister was on the phone and it was urgent. Knowing what their definitions of urgent can be I asked what was going on, thinking it was probably some big concert announcement of some sort. That's when I was told she was crying. My head spun with questions of what was going on. Was someone hurt? Was everything okay? Why would she call me if the parents were right there? I quickly jumped out of the shower grabbed a towel and answered the call. She was in hysterics. Doing what I could to understand I got her calm enough to get the story. Apparently my parents were having a huge fight to the point where her mom had left the house and she was scared and needed out. So I told her to stay in her room, pack a bag and call her friend that she mentioned to see if she could go there for a bit. I put on the clothes I had, grabbed my crutches and told my mom I needed to head out for a bit. I hopped in the truck and got to the house as fast as I could. On the way I called her to make sure everything was still okay. Now my aunt and cousin were over trying to get things sorted out. That was wonderful, knowing that it had gotten to the point where someone else had to intervene. When I finally got there, both of my other sisters came outside, one crying, the other putting on a brave face for her sister. We quickly got gas before dropping one sister off at her dads and the other at her friends. During this time I found out that my sister was told that she shouldn't have called me. I think its a good thing she did. She needed out in order to feel safe and she called someone she knew she could trust. She knew that even if I couldn't come get her I would have stayed on the phone with her, keeping her safe, until she feel asleep.
I also fought with my mom about me paying for gas and how she felt it was my dads job to give me some money. I wanted to tell her that I would pay thousands of dollars to keep any of my siblings, friends or anyone I cared about safe. I would be willing at all times of the day to go anywhere and pick someone up if they felt scared, lonely or in danger. After all, its only time and money. I can earn the money back. As for the time, well its a good cause. They're just small prices to pay to keep people safe.
My growing up does not stop there. I have no idea whats happening tomorrow, I don't know if I will have a ride home, or who will be home once I do get there. I have no idea how I'm getting to Brian's, or whether I'll be packing my stuff this weekend. What I do know is my sisters are safe, and I would move mountains for them. They are my world, my rock, and my family and I love them more than life itself.
<3>
Okay, so it has been one insane night for me. I got home feeling great, walking, and just relaxing from a busy day. Then I went to have a shower and just let every muscle in my body melt with the warm water flowing over me. That's when my sister knocked and asked to come in. I should have known something was wrong then since she never comes in the bathroom when I'm showering. She tells me my other sister was on the phone and it was urgent. Knowing what their definitions of urgent can be I asked what was going on, thinking it was probably some big concert announcement of some sort. That's when I was told she was crying. My head spun with questions of what was going on. Was someone hurt? Was everything okay? Why would she call me if the parents were right there? I quickly jumped out of the shower grabbed a towel and answered the call. She was in hysterics. Doing what I could to understand I got her calm enough to get the story. Apparently my parents were having a huge fight to the point where her mom had left the house and she was scared and needed out. So I told her to stay in her room, pack a bag and call her friend that she mentioned to see if she could go there for a bit. I put on the clothes I had, grabbed my crutches and told my mom I needed to head out for a bit. I hopped in the truck and got to the house as fast as I could. On the way I called her to make sure everything was still okay. Now my aunt and cousin were over trying to get things sorted out. That was wonderful, knowing that it had gotten to the point where someone else had to intervene. When I finally got there, both of my other sisters came outside, one crying, the other putting on a brave face for her sister. We quickly got gas before dropping one sister off at her dads and the other at her friends. During this time I found out that my sister was told that she shouldn't have called me. I think its a good thing she did. She needed out in order to feel safe and she called someone she knew she could trust. She knew that even if I couldn't come get her I would have stayed on the phone with her, keeping her safe, until she feel asleep.
I also fought with my mom about me paying for gas and how she felt it was my dads job to give me some money. I wanted to tell her that I would pay thousands of dollars to keep any of my siblings, friends or anyone I cared about safe. I would be willing at all times of the day to go anywhere and pick someone up if they felt scared, lonely or in danger. After all, its only time and money. I can earn the money back. As for the time, well its a good cause. They're just small prices to pay to keep people safe.
My growing up does not stop there. I have no idea whats happening tomorrow, I don't know if I will have a ride home, or who will be home once I do get there. I have no idea how I'm getting to Brian's, or whether I'll be packing my stuff this weekend. What I do know is my sisters are safe, and I would move mountains for them. They are my world, my rock, and my family and I love them more than life itself.
<3>
Monday, September 22, 2008
=]
Wow, the past week has been eye opening.
I'm in one of those "up" periods of my life. I have been in an extremely good mood lately and it feels like nothing can ever bring me down. Its been absolutely amazing. I have done things for me and me only, and not worried about what it has come off to other people. Also, I have decided to not let looking for "love" take over my life. I mean, we spend so much time thinking about it every day, why don't we just let it go. There's plenty of time for us to focus our life on love, why now? Plus, in 2 years I'm not even going to be around. So, with all this time left for me, I have focused on myself, who I am, what I want to do, kind of just put my life back together, how its supposed to be. It feels great!! I don't go to bed and dread waking up again like I did not too long ago. No, now I can't wait to get up and see what the day holds!! I never want this feeling to end!!
<3>
And I'm excited for friday!!!!! =]
I'm in one of those "up" periods of my life. I have been in an extremely good mood lately and it feels like nothing can ever bring me down. Its been absolutely amazing. I have done things for me and me only, and not worried about what it has come off to other people. Also, I have decided to not let looking for "love" take over my life. I mean, we spend so much time thinking about it every day, why don't we just let it go. There's plenty of time for us to focus our life on love, why now? Plus, in 2 years I'm not even going to be around. So, with all this time left for me, I have focused on myself, who I am, what I want to do, kind of just put my life back together, how its supposed to be. It feels great!! I don't go to bed and dread waking up again like I did not too long ago. No, now I can't wait to get up and see what the day holds!! I never want this feeling to end!!
<3>
And I'm excited for friday!!!!! =]
Sunday, September 21, 2008
STOP ME
Okay, just a quick note, if I EVER say that I'm going to make cookies, or bake in general, STOP ME!!! I will burn down the house probably!! I mean, cookies, mix, put in oven, take out 10 minutes later....seems simple enough....NO, I forgot about them and left them for a VERY long time. I've never seen anything more black in my life.......
I fail at baking.
Haha, though it was quite funny......
<3>
I fail at baking.
Haha, though it was quite funny......
<3>
Saturday, September 20, 2008
*Jumps/Screams/Dances in Excitment*
Basically all this enthusiasm is due to the latest update on www.salts.ca
THEY PUT UP THIS YEARS INFORMATION!!
Do you know what that means? It means that we're THAT much closer to registering to go. Which means we're THAT much closer to actually going. Which means, 10 days on a boat, in BC, with a bunch of people, and a vacation by myself. Can you say FUN? EEK!!!
.....Not That I'M excited AT ALL.......
<3>
YAY!!!
Oh! And I made cookies =]
THEY PUT UP THIS YEARS INFORMATION!!
Do you know what that means? It means that we're THAT much closer to registering to go. Which means we're THAT much closer to actually going. Which means, 10 days on a boat, in BC, with a bunch of people, and a vacation by myself. Can you say FUN? EEK!!!
.....Not That I'M excited AT ALL.......
<3>
YAY!!!
Oh! And I made cookies =]
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
AHH
Oh man! So much stuff going on now!!
So, recently I have agreed that I was going to be apart of a whole bunch of things, not realizing what I'm getting myself into. I have agreed to help coach a basketball team, help tech for the musical theatre shows, tech at the Jubilee (SO excited!), and I'll be going back to work soon enough. Not to mention I have school to go to, and getting anywhere and doing anything takes twice as long right now. Also, trying to get together with people I rarely see anymore, and planning this "Gathering of Sorts" we decided to have has to fit into this schedule somewhere. Yeah, I've definitely taken on a lot for one semester. We'll see how this goes.....And even having all this, I sit here writing. I need to get my priorities sorted out....
<3>
So, recently I have agreed that I was going to be apart of a whole bunch of things, not realizing what I'm getting myself into. I have agreed to help coach a basketball team, help tech for the musical theatre shows, tech at the Jubilee (SO excited!), and I'll be going back to work soon enough. Not to mention I have school to go to, and getting anywhere and doing anything takes twice as long right now. Also, trying to get together with people I rarely see anymore, and planning this "Gathering of Sorts" we decided to have has to fit into this schedule somewhere. Yeah, I've definitely taken on a lot for one semester. We'll see how this goes.....And even having all this, I sit here writing. I need to get my priorities sorted out....
<3>
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Helpless
I'm so sick of feeling helpless! I hate feeling like I can't do anything for myself. I mean I can't even take care of my dog without hurting myself.
I hate not being able to walk through my house without feeling like I will trip over something, or avoiding a way because its too narrow for my crutches. I just want all of this to be over and I want my life to be back to normal. I just want to be able to hang out with people without them worrying about how I'm going to do things. I want to be able to go to the mall for lunch without being exhausted for 2 days. I WANT to be able to clean my room. I'm sick of living in a complete mess and know there's nothing I can do about it because it's incredibly hard to clean it.
I Just want my life back to normal!
I hate not being able to walk through my house without feeling like I will trip over something, or avoiding a way because its too narrow for my crutches. I just want all of this to be over and I want my life to be back to normal. I just want to be able to hang out with people without them worrying about how I'm going to do things. I want to be able to go to the mall for lunch without being exhausted for 2 days. I WANT to be able to clean my room. I'm sick of living in a complete mess and know there's nothing I can do about it because it's incredibly hard to clean it.
I Just want my life back to normal!
Monday, September 8, 2008
*HUG*
Basically, all I need right now is a hug. One hug to make the world better again.....
...Then a few more just for good measures =]
<3>
...Then a few more just for good measures =]
<3>
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Stolen from someone who stole it from someone else...
Hmm, I wonder who ACTUALLY started this....Anyway, here is goes.
I AM … Grateful for the few good friends I have, Sad for the ones I’ve lost, and very confused about everything I feel now a days.
I WANT… To be able to walk again. More than you know….
I HAVE … A lot I need to figure out
I KEEP … Old pictures, cards, and notes that mean a lot to me.
I WISH I COULD … Have confidence.
I HATE … The way things have turned for the worst in parts of my life.
I FEAR … I will not find that special person.
I HEAR … Music, All I have to give By The Backstreet Boys.
I DON’T THINK … I’ll leave my room much tonight.
I REGRET … All the times I’ve hurt people.
I LOVE … Hugs, Kisses to the forehead, Being with people who really want to be with me, and the fact I will be travelling lots in the next couple of years.
I AM NOT … Going to continue to feel like this.
I DANCE … All the time, it keeps me happy.
I SING … To really good songs.
I NEVER … Want to lose those who save me.
I RARELY … Let people see who I really am, which is sad.
I CRY WHEN I WATCH … The Fox and the Hound.....It's a sad movie okay?
I AM NOT ALWAYS … As happy as I come off.
I HATE THAT … My family is annoyed with me.
I’M CONFUSED ABOUT … Life? How I’m feeling.
I NEED … Sort this out.
I SHOULD … Do homework and chores, but I really don’t feel like facing my family.
I AM … Grateful for the few good friends I have, Sad for the ones I’ve lost, and very confused about everything I feel now a days.
I WANT… To be able to walk again. More than you know….
I HAVE … A lot I need to figure out
I KEEP … Old pictures, cards, and notes that mean a lot to me.
I WISH I COULD … Have confidence.
I HATE … The way things have turned for the worst in parts of my life.
I FEAR … I will not find that special person.
I HEAR … Music, All I have to give By The Backstreet Boys.
I DON’T THINK … I’ll leave my room much tonight.
I REGRET … All the times I’ve hurt people.
I LOVE … Hugs, Kisses to the forehead, Being with people who really want to be with me, and the fact I will be travelling lots in the next couple of years.
I AM NOT … Going to continue to feel like this.
I DANCE … All the time, it keeps me happy.
I SING … To really good songs.
I NEVER … Want to lose those who save me.
I RARELY … Let people see who I really am, which is sad.
I CRY WHEN I WATCH … The Fox and the Hound.....It's a sad movie okay?
I AM NOT ALWAYS … As happy as I come off.
I HATE THAT … My family is annoyed with me.
I’M CONFUSED ABOUT … Life? How I’m feeling.
I NEED … Sort this out.
I SHOULD … Do homework and chores, but I really don’t feel like facing my family.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Tears
The things that trickle down my cheeks quite often now a days. Strange thing is, is that a lot of the time I'm not sure why.
Its been an incredibly hard couple of weeks for me. With my surgery I've had to give up a lot of independence, which is really hard. I mean I can barely make myself a meal or carry things around. It's so hard. The harder part is everyone starts to get annoyed. It would have been fine if it was only a little while, but after 3 weeks, with another 3 to come, people just stop. Or at least they want to stop. They stop wanting to do things and help out. Rude comments begin, nasty looks pierce, and worst of all, all that annoyance turns into greater, harsher feelings that emerge on a daily basis.
Sorry for all the complaining, but this is the only way to get it all out it seems. Those who choose to read it will, otherwise its just written words that help me cope.
It just hurts to know even my family is annoyed. Trust me, if I had just one wish right now it would be to be able to walk again. To stop this, and to have people just enjoy being around me not wondering what else I'm going to ask for, or what other "favor" is coming at them. I just want to feel, and be treated, normal again. That's all I want right now.
In a way I'm really looking forward to going back to school. It gets me out of my house and away from a potentially bad situation. Also, it relieves my family of taking care of me for a few hours. Put me in a situation where people will probably just feel more sorry for me. Ugh, that's going to be hell.
Anyway, away from that topic......What else is there?
Well, lets see, right now I'm talking about party, boys, you know, regular girl stuff, haha. It's great fun. Oh we also found something we decided to call a vodkamelon. It sounds quiet interesting.
Well I've run out of things to say.
<3>
Its been an incredibly hard couple of weeks for me. With my surgery I've had to give up a lot of independence, which is really hard. I mean I can barely make myself a meal or carry things around. It's so hard. The harder part is everyone starts to get annoyed. It would have been fine if it was only a little while, but after 3 weeks, with another 3 to come, people just stop. Or at least they want to stop. They stop wanting to do things and help out. Rude comments begin, nasty looks pierce, and worst of all, all that annoyance turns into greater, harsher feelings that emerge on a daily basis.
Sorry for all the complaining, but this is the only way to get it all out it seems. Those who choose to read it will, otherwise its just written words that help me cope.
It just hurts to know even my family is annoyed. Trust me, if I had just one wish right now it would be to be able to walk again. To stop this, and to have people just enjoy being around me not wondering what else I'm going to ask for, or what other "favor" is coming at them. I just want to feel, and be treated, normal again. That's all I want right now.
In a way I'm really looking forward to going back to school. It gets me out of my house and away from a potentially bad situation. Also, it relieves my family of taking care of me for a few hours. Put me in a situation where people will probably just feel more sorry for me. Ugh, that's going to be hell.
Anyway, away from that topic......What else is there?
Well, lets see, right now I'm talking about party, boys, you know, regular girl stuff, haha. It's great fun. Oh we also found something we decided to call a vodkamelon. It sounds quiet interesting.
Well I've run out of things to say.
<3>
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