Ready to spill your guts?
Sure am
Two facts about the last person to text you?
He's my dad and the most amazing dad in the world
Where are you?
My Basement
What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?
Umm, I don't remember?
Are you in a good mood?
Not Overly
Do you believe in true love?
I think so...
Do you like to wear sweatpants?
Love them
Are you wearing them right now?
I am!
Would you ever want to swim with sharks?
No. Never.
Did you speak to your mother today?
I did
Have you lost friends in the past year?
Unfortunately
If you could change your eye color, what would it be?
Bright Blue
How is your hair?
Blah
Do you believe in love at first sight?
Lust maybe
What do you usually do first in the morning?
Groan
What do you think about the weather?
It's WAY too cold
Are you ticklish?
Extremely
What is your natural hair color?
Brown.
What's your favorite smell?
Vanilla
What are you thinking about right now?
Trust me, you do NOT want to know...
When was the last time you really smiled?
Last Night
Did you go to sleep last night smiling?
That was a little difficult last night....umm, awkward much?
Whose car were you in last?
Mine!
How many cigarettes have you smoked today?
Nothing!
Do you currently have a hickey?
Never had one
What jewelry are you wearing?
Nothing
Are you a heavy sleeper?
Not really
Where does most of your family live?
Calgary
Have you ever slapped someone?
I sure have
How many people do you trust with everything?
Like 2, if that
What's so special about what your wearing?
They're comfy
Ever feel like your not good enough?
All the time
What was the last thing you drank?
Fruit Punch
Who is the last person you got in a yelling fight with?
Can you yell in text form?
Anything you would change about your life right now?
If you only knew.
What did you do today and what are you doing later?
Took Mark home, later, possibly Red Deer?
Do you think two people can last forever?
I don't know anymore, I'd like to say yes
Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?
Don't think so
Does the person you like know you like him/her?
Oh probably.
In the past week, have you laughed hysterically in front of someone?
Oh yeah.
Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn't around now?
Yep, I want them back.
What do you do when you're having a bad day?
I want to beat things up.
When you're sick or sad, do you want to be alone or do you want someone?
Alone. Always alone.
Where did you get the shirt you're wearing right now?
Soccer
Do you get jealous easily?
Yep
Are you afraid to tell your true feelings?
Always
Is there anyone you want to come see you?
Actually, yes. But it's not who you think.
Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night?
Not even close
Have you ever thrown your cell phone in anger?
Yep
When was the last time you saw the second person on your top friends ?
What?
Is there something you're looking forward to this month?
Making money, Alix's birthday
Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance?
Definitely
Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
Far away from everything.
Where is your phone?
Charging
Is there something from your past that you really hate talking about?
Oh yes.
Name one thing you love about winter:
Snowboarding
Are you available?
As always
Will this weekend be a good one?
Who knows anymore
If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?
Can you say self esteem boost?
If you could be with anyone right now, who would it be?
I could really use talking to Brian right now
How important is a sense of humor in a significant other?
Very important.
What's your home screen image on your phone?
Me and Katie
Do you sleep with your door open or closed?
Closed
Think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
Highly unlikely.
When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
Who knows...
Are you okay with the life you live?
I am
How often do you curl or straighten your hair?
Everyday pretty much
Your best friend commits suicide, what do you do?
I don't even know.
Miss someone?
Yes =[
What is more important in a relationship, happiness or trust?
With trust comes happiness
Did the one person who hurt you the most apologize?
No
Do you think that you have made a difference in someones life?
I would hope so
Who can make you feel better in a difficult situation?
Generally I try and keep things to myself.
Have you ever fallen asleep in someone's arms?
I would like to say yes....
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Haha, with the big things
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
These keep me entertained
a b o u t y o u ;
• whats your full name --> Melissa Nicole Vanderkuil
• when was your birth date --> January 14, 1991
• how old are you --> 18
• what's your gender --> Female
• what's your occupation --> Blockbuster =[
• how tall are you --> 5' 5.5"
• where were you born --> Calgary, AB
• what's your sexual orientation --> Straight
• what are your nicknames --> Mel, Flaps
• what's your religion --> Not real sure
y o u r a p p e a r a n c e ;
• what color are your eyes --> Blue/Green
• what color is your hair --> Brown
• what do you like best about your body --> My eyes
• what do you dislike about your body --> My stomach
• do you have braces, glasses or contacts --> Nope!
• what kind of hair style do you have --> Straight
• do you have a nice smile --> I like to think so
• do you have freckles --> A few, but not many
• do you have dimples --> Apparently I do
• do you find yourself hot –-> Not really
y o u r s e n s e o f f a s h i o n ;
• what's your favorite clothing that you have --> My hoodies
• what kind of brand do you have --> More skate brands
• what type of shoes do you like to wear --> Skate shoes
• when you see a shirt you like, do you buy more of the same colour --> Not generally
• which shop do you shop at a lot --> I haven't bought clothes in so long!
• why do you wear the clothes you do --> Because I would prefer not to walk around naked...
• do you wear clothes to show off your best body part --> Sometimes
• what type of clothing do you wear - Jeans, hoodies, shirts
l o v e a n d i t s g o o d t h i n g s / r e l a t i o n s h i p s ;
• what do you look for in a relationship --> Trust, Loyalty, sense of humor
• do you have the pants in your relationship --> Umm, Its about even generally
• do you like to show pda --> I don't really
• longest relationship --> Just under 3 months
• shortest relationship --> Couple days
• do you truly love anyone --> Not beyond my family and friends
• how many relationships have you had --> 4
l o v e a n d i t s b e l i e f s ;
• love at first sight --> Lust maybe
• loving someone forever --> I do
• soul mates --> I'm not sure
• open relationships --> Nope
• online relationships --> I don't
• long distance relationships --> They can work
• being faithful eternally? --> Yes
• cheating --> Never
f r i e n d s h i p s ;
• best guy friend --> Graham, Brian, Mike
• did you lose any friends --> I sure have
• where do you meet most of your friends --> School, work, parties
• would you die for your best friend --> Yes
• do you know your true friends --> Oh yeah, they've been showed to me many times
y o u r b e l i e f s ;
• god --> In a way
• sex before marriage --> I see no problem with it what so ever
• gay / bi / lesbians --> Yep!
• satan --> I don't believe in an all evil being
• heaven --> No
• hell --> No
• soulmates --> I'm not sure
• global warming --> Yes
• abortion --> I'm pro-choice
y o u r l a s t s ;
• person you kissed --> Hahah
• person you talked to --> My family
• person you hugged --> My dad
• person you called --> Wally
• person to call you --> Jacky
• person you made out with --> Hahaha....
• thing to get you horny --> No comment :P
• thing to make you laugh --> Taking down the trampoline
• person to tell you I love you --> My mom
• person you told I love you to --> My mom
y e s t e r d a y ;
• what did you do --> Went to my sisters basketball game, went to the football game, watched TV
• did you enjoy yesterday --> I did
• what did you eat --> Sandwich, popcorn, other food?
• who did you spend the most of your time with --> my dad
• what did you wear --> Jeans, stamps shirt, black hoodie
t o d a y ;
• what did you do --> Went to my dads hockey game, took down the trampoline so far
• did you kiss anyone today --> Nope
• what are you wearing --> Jeans, 3OH!3 shirt, hoodie
• did you enjoy today --> it was alright, Friday was much better
• what time are you going to sleep --> Who knows
t o m m o r o w ;
• what are your plans --> Pack, Laundry?
• what will you wear --> I have no idea
• will you enjoy tomorrow --> Maybe
• will you be out of the house --> Probably not
• are you going to sleep in --> oh yeah
y o u r w h o s ' ;
• who do you truly love --> My family and my friends
• who do you truly hate --> I don't hate
• who can you tell everything to --> Katie, Graham and Mike
• who can you tell almost everything to --> Anyone who asks?
• who do you miss right now --> People
• who do you want to talk to right now --> Anyone from the car friday night?
• who do you need --> People who care
h a d y o u e v e r ;
• sang in front of a crowd --> Nope!
• failed a test --> Unfortunately
• cried yourself to sleep --> Oh yeah
• committed suicide --> umm...no, I'm still alive
• drank --> Never.....:P
• done drugs --> Some would consider alcohol a drug lol, so in that case yes
• ran around naked --> Nope!
1 - Spell your name without vowels --> Mlss
2 - Are you single? --> I sure am
3 - Whats your favorite number? --> 14
4 - What are you listening to? --> The Tv
5 - Are you happy with your life right now? --> I actually am =]
6 - What is your favorite class in school? --> Tech
7 - Are you outgoing? --> I can be
8 - One word to describe you? --> Random
9 - Where do you wish you were right now? --> Somewhere hot!!
10 - What should you be doing right now? --> Packing? Laundry?
HONEST SECTION
Honestly, what's on your mind? --> The up coming week
Honestly, have you done something bad today? --> I don't think so...
Honestly, do you watch disney channel? --> Haha, I'm watching it right now
Honestly, what are you doing right now? --> Clearly this thing
Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone? --> Wally
Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? --> Maybe a little
Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time? --> Not being understood
Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment? --> Oh yes
Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now? --> Nothing major
Honestly, do you have a friend you don't actually like? --> Umm, not really
Honestly, are you in denial? --> Possibly?
ANGER SECTION
What do you do when you're mad? --> Write
What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad? --> I don't really remember...
Ever made anyone cry when you were mad? --> Probably
CRYING SECTION
Ever really cried your heart out? --> Definitely
Ever cried yourself to sleep? --> Oh yes
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder? --> Sure have
Ever cried over the opposite sex? --> Yes
Ever cried over the same sex? --> Yep
Do you cry when you get an injury? --> Some times
Do certain songs make you cry? --> A few
Do certain movies make you cry? --> Yep
When was the last time you cried? --> I don't remember
HATE SECTION
Do you actually hate anyone? --> Nope
Have you ever been on a hit list? --> I don't know
SELF ESTEEM SECTION
Is your self-esteem extremely low? --> A little
Are you good looking? --> I'm not bad looking I guess
Do you wish you could be someone else? --> Some days
LOOK AT ME
What is your current hair color? --> Redish brown
Current piercings? --> 0
Have any tattoos? --> One on my back that I love
Straight hair or curly? --> Straight
THE HAVES
Have you ever been on a plane? --> Sure have, and back on one on Tuesday
Have you ever been asked out by someone? --> I have
Have you ever been to the ocean? --> Yeah =]
Have you ever painted your nails? --> Yeah
THE LASTS
Last person you hung out with? --> Other than my family, Mike, Mark, Ian, Dannie, Katie, and other people from the party
Last thing someone said to you? --> I don't remember...
Last time you slept in all morning? --> Wednesday?
Last thing you said out loud? --> ???
Where 1 and 2 went is beyond me...
3. I've come to realize that, if I love someone (not family): - I need to say something.
4. I've come to realize that I need: - To live my life for me and do what makes me happy.
5. I've come to realize that I've lost: - People who don't care.
6. I've come to realize that I hate it when: - People bitch and complain to me all the time.
7. I've come to realize that when I'm drunk: - I'm very open and willing :P
8. I've come to realize that money: - Is an essential
9. I've come to realize that: - Life is going to improved
10. I've come to realize that I'll always: - Love my friends and family
11. I've come to realize that I have a crush on: - A certain someone... maybe
12. I've come to realize that the last time I cried was: - A lot longer ago than I thought
13. I've come to realize that my cell phone is: - In need of a name
14. I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning: - I don't wake up really.
15. I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night I: - I think.
16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about: - Nothing important
19. I've come to realize that today: - Was low-key
20. I've come to realize that tonight I will: - Sleep!
21. I've come to realize that tomorrow I will: - Be bored yet again
22. I've come to realize that I really want to: - Be happy, and own a theatre
24. I've come to realize relationships: - Aren't necessary but extremely nice.
25. I've come to realize love: - Is complicated but totally worth it
26. I've come to realize my best guy friend(s): - Are some of the most amazing people I've ever met.
27. I've come to realize my best girl friend(s): - Are few, but the ones who are there actually care
Where is 28?
29. I've come to realize, when I'm bored: - I spend a lot of time doing useless things
30. I've come to realize boys are: - Confusing, but make great friends
31: I've come to realize over the summer: - I'm going to be working =[
32. I've come to realize heartbreak: - Is something we all go through
33. I've come to realize that my friends: - Are the greatest things I have
FRIENDS
If you could pick anyone, who calms you down the most? Recently Mike and Katie
Who's the most honest about things in your life? Graham and Mike
Who do you fight with the most? - There's a few people
Who's heard you laugh the most? - I laugh all the time
LIFE
Has anyone ever asked you to marry them? Nope lol
Who do you hope stays in your life? Anyone who cares
What do you want to be when you grow up? Stage Manager in my theatre
College? Mount Royal next year =]
Do you love anybody? Sure do!
• whats your full name --> Melissa Nicole Vanderkuil
• when was your birth date --> January 14, 1991
• how old are you --> 18
• what's your gender --> Female
• what's your occupation --> Blockbuster =[
• how tall are you --> 5' 5.5"
• where were you born --> Calgary, AB
• what's your sexual orientation --> Straight
• what are your nicknames --> Mel, Flaps
• what's your religion --> Not real sure
y o u r a p p e a r a n c e ;
• what color are your eyes --> Blue/Green
• what color is your hair --> Brown
• what do you like best about your body --> My eyes
• what do you dislike about your body --> My stomach
• do you have braces, glasses or contacts --> Nope!
• what kind of hair style do you have --> Straight
• do you have a nice smile --> I like to think so
• do you have freckles --> A few, but not many
• do you have dimples --> Apparently I do
• do you find yourself hot –-> Not really
y o u r s e n s e o f f a s h i o n ;
• what's your favorite clothing that you have --> My hoodies
• what kind of brand do you have --> More skate brands
• what type of shoes do you like to wear --> Skate shoes
• when you see a shirt you like, do you buy more of the same colour --> Not generally
• which shop do you shop at a lot --> I haven't bought clothes in so long!
• why do you wear the clothes you do --> Because I would prefer not to walk around naked...
• do you wear clothes to show off your best body part --> Sometimes
• what type of clothing do you wear - Jeans, hoodies, shirts
l o v e a n d i t s g o o d t h i n g s / r e l a t i o n s h i p s ;
• what do you look for in a relationship --> Trust, Loyalty, sense of humor
• do you have the pants in your relationship --> Umm, Its about even generally
• do you like to show pda --> I don't really
• longest relationship --> Just under 3 months
• shortest relationship --> Couple days
• do you truly love anyone --> Not beyond my family and friends
• how many relationships have you had --> 4
l o v e a n d i t s b e l i e f s ;
• love at first sight --> Lust maybe
• loving someone forever --> I do
• soul mates --> I'm not sure
• open relationships --> Nope
• online relationships --> I don't
• long distance relationships --> They can work
• being faithful eternally? --> Yes
• cheating --> Never
f r i e n d s h i p s ;
• best guy friend --> Graham, Brian, Mike
• did you lose any friends --> I sure have
• where do you meet most of your friends --> School, work, parties
• would you die for your best friend --> Yes
• do you know your true friends --> Oh yeah, they've been showed to me many times
y o u r b e l i e f s ;
• god --> In a way
• sex before marriage --> I see no problem with it what so ever
• gay / bi / lesbians --> Yep!
• satan --> I don't believe in an all evil being
• heaven --> No
• hell --> No
• soulmates --> I'm not sure
• global warming --> Yes
• abortion --> I'm pro-choice
y o u r l a s t s ;
• person you kissed --> Hahah
• person you talked to --> My family
• person you hugged --> My dad
• person you called --> Wally
• person to call you --> Jacky
• person you made out with --> Hahaha....
• thing to get you horny --> No comment :P
• thing to make you laugh --> Taking down the trampoline
• person to tell you I love you --> My mom
• person you told I love you to --> My mom
y e s t e r d a y ;
• what did you do --> Went to my sisters basketball game, went to the football game, watched TV
• did you enjoy yesterday --> I did
• what did you eat --> Sandwich, popcorn, other food?
• who did you spend the most of your time with --> my dad
• what did you wear --> Jeans, stamps shirt, black hoodie
t o d a y ;
• what did you do --> Went to my dads hockey game, took down the trampoline so far
• did you kiss anyone today --> Nope
• what are you wearing --> Jeans, 3OH!3 shirt, hoodie
• did you enjoy today --> it was alright, Friday was much better
• what time are you going to sleep --> Who knows
t o m m o r o w ;
• what are your plans --> Pack, Laundry?
• what will you wear --> I have no idea
• will you enjoy tomorrow --> Maybe
• will you be out of the house --> Probably not
• are you going to sleep in --> oh yeah
y o u r w h o s ' ;
• who do you truly love --> My family and my friends
• who do you truly hate --> I don't hate
• who can you tell everything to --> Katie, Graham and Mike
• who can you tell almost everything to --> Anyone who asks?
• who do you miss right now --> People
• who do you want to talk to right now --> Anyone from the car friday night?
• who do you need --> People who care
h a d y o u e v e r ;
• sang in front of a crowd --> Nope!
• failed a test --> Unfortunately
• cried yourself to sleep --> Oh yeah
• committed suicide --> umm...no, I'm still alive
• drank --> Never.....:P
• done drugs --> Some would consider alcohol a drug lol, so in that case yes
• ran around naked --> Nope!
1 - Spell your name without vowels --> Mlss
2 - Are you single? --> I sure am
3 - Whats your favorite number? --> 14
4 - What are you listening to? --> The Tv
5 - Are you happy with your life right now? --> I actually am =]
6 - What is your favorite class in school? --> Tech
7 - Are you outgoing? --> I can be
8 - One word to describe you? --> Random
9 - Where do you wish you were right now? --> Somewhere hot!!
10 - What should you be doing right now? --> Packing? Laundry?
HONEST SECTION
Honestly, what's on your mind? --> The up coming week
Honestly, have you done something bad today? --> I don't think so...
Honestly, do you watch disney channel? --> Haha, I'm watching it right now
Honestly, what are you doing right now? --> Clearly this thing
Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone? --> Wally
Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? --> Maybe a little
Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time? --> Not being understood
Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment? --> Oh yes
Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now? --> Nothing major
Honestly, do you have a friend you don't actually like? --> Umm, not really
Honestly, are you in denial? --> Possibly?
ANGER SECTION
What do you do when you're mad? --> Write
What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad? --> I don't really remember...
Ever made anyone cry when you were mad? --> Probably
CRYING SECTION
Ever really cried your heart out? --> Definitely
Ever cried yourself to sleep? --> Oh yes
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder? --> Sure have
Ever cried over the opposite sex? --> Yes
Ever cried over the same sex? --> Yep
Do you cry when you get an injury? --> Some times
Do certain songs make you cry? --> A few
Do certain movies make you cry? --> Yep
When was the last time you cried? --> I don't remember
HATE SECTION
Do you actually hate anyone? --> Nope
Have you ever been on a hit list? --> I don't know
SELF ESTEEM SECTION
Is your self-esteem extremely low? --> A little
Are you good looking? --> I'm not bad looking I guess
Do you wish you could be someone else? --> Some days
LOOK AT ME
What is your current hair color? --> Redish brown
Current piercings? --> 0
Have any tattoos? --> One on my back that I love
Straight hair or curly? --> Straight
THE HAVES
Have you ever been on a plane? --> Sure have, and back on one on Tuesday
Have you ever been asked out by someone? --> I have
Have you ever been to the ocean? --> Yeah =]
Have you ever painted your nails? --> Yeah
THE LASTS
Last person you hung out with? --> Other than my family, Mike, Mark, Ian, Dannie, Katie, and other people from the party
Last thing someone said to you? --> I don't remember...
Last time you slept in all morning? --> Wednesday?
Last thing you said out loud? --> ???
Where 1 and 2 went is beyond me...
3. I've come to realize that, if I love someone (not family): - I need to say something.
4. I've come to realize that I need: - To live my life for me and do what makes me happy.
5. I've come to realize that I've lost: - People who don't care.
6. I've come to realize that I hate it when: - People bitch and complain to me all the time.
7. I've come to realize that when I'm drunk: - I'm very open and willing :P
8. I've come to realize that money: - Is an essential
9. I've come to realize that: - Life is going to improved
10. I've come to realize that I'll always: - Love my friends and family
11. I've come to realize that I have a crush on: - A certain someone... maybe
12. I've come to realize that the last time I cried was: - A lot longer ago than I thought
13. I've come to realize that my cell phone is: - In need of a name
14. I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning: - I don't wake up really.
15. I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night I: - I think.
16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about: - Nothing important
19. I've come to realize that today: - Was low-key
20. I've come to realize that tonight I will: - Sleep!
21. I've come to realize that tomorrow I will: - Be bored yet again
22. I've come to realize that I really want to: - Be happy, and own a theatre
24. I've come to realize relationships: - Aren't necessary but extremely nice.
25. I've come to realize love: - Is complicated but totally worth it
26. I've come to realize my best guy friend(s): - Are some of the most amazing people I've ever met.
27. I've come to realize my best girl friend(s): - Are few, but the ones who are there actually care
Where is 28?
29. I've come to realize, when I'm bored: - I spend a lot of time doing useless things
30. I've come to realize boys are: - Confusing, but make great friends
31: I've come to realize over the summer: - I'm going to be working =[
32. I've come to realize heartbreak: - Is something we all go through
33. I've come to realize that my friends: - Are the greatest things I have
FRIENDS
If you could pick anyone, who calms you down the most? Recently Mike and Katie
Who's the most honest about things in your life? Graham and Mike
Who do you fight with the most? - There's a few people
Who's heard you laugh the most? - I laugh all the time
LIFE
Has anyone ever asked you to marry them? Nope lol
Who do you hope stays in your life? Anyone who cares
What do you want to be when you grow up? Stage Manager in my theatre
College? Mount Royal next year =]
Do you love anybody? Sure do!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Hehe
I giggle every time I read this:
"And she's like drop dead gorgeous and apparently super nice and I kind of want to slap her....lol"
Bahaha, makes my day!
<3>
"And she's like drop dead gorgeous and apparently super nice and I kind of want to slap her....lol"
Bahaha, makes my day!
<3>
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Simple Things
It's the simple things in life that make it so wonderful!
Kiss from my dogs
Watching a hockey game with my dad/friends
Listening to music
Eating fortune cookies
Smiling
Laughing
Meeting new people
Eating chocolate
Talking to my best friend
Sharing secrets
Having Starbucks
Love
Being goofy
Texting
Random phone calls
*poke*
Tech
That secret smile
Dollar Stores
Random Adventures
These things make me happy
<3>
Kiss from my dogs
Watching a hockey game with my dad/friends
Listening to music
Eating fortune cookies
Smiling
Laughing
Meeting new people
Eating chocolate
Talking to my best friend
Sharing secrets
Having Starbucks
Love
Being goofy
Texting
Random phone calls
*poke*
Tech
That secret smile
Dollar Stores
Random Adventures
These things make me happy
<3>
Saturday, April 4, 2009
So Good =]
This Weekend. Amazing. I don't even have words.
I really could not tell you what it is, but it's been great! Friday began with Dress Day. Holy, laughs all around. Then we're just going to film such a good walk to Cheesecake. Then a great lunch with an amazing friend. Sat there and talked for literally 2 hours, about everything and anything. Nothing is ever off limits. Seriously, you're the only person who really knows what I'm thinking. Hence why no words will ever describe. Work. Work was fun for once! YES MEN! Oh man, Zach, Marshal, Drew and me. Greatest shift ever. Sleep. More Work. Nice short shift (well not really, 8 hours, but sure seemed like less). No grumpy or angry customers. Good Friends. More Yes Men. Dinner with my family. Many laughs. Just me, my dad, my step mom, and my sister. Delicious dinner. Movie with 2 more amazing friends. Hilarious movie, I Love You, Man. Loved it! Denny's! Milkshakes and Banana Splits. Along with car accident stories and good times. Brian's house. Magnetic darts and tiny hockey sticks. Party talk. Can't wait. Hot tubs. 18th's. Great times to come! Sleep. Tomorrow. Oil change. Hockey game. Round 2, Game 2. Hitmen will take it. With my dad and only my dad. So fun. Go see Strong, Amazing girl. Have laughs, pizza and talk. Will be so much fun.
Ah, if only every weekend could be like this =]
<3>
I really could not tell you what it is, but it's been great! Friday began with Dress Day. Holy, laughs all around. Then we're just going to film such a good walk to Cheesecake. Then a great lunch with an amazing friend. Sat there and talked for literally 2 hours, about everything and anything. Nothing is ever off limits. Seriously, you're the only person who really knows what I'm thinking. Hence why no words will ever describe. Work. Work was fun for once! YES MEN! Oh man, Zach, Marshal, Drew and me. Greatest shift ever. Sleep. More Work. Nice short shift (well not really, 8 hours, but sure seemed like less). No grumpy or angry customers. Good Friends. More Yes Men. Dinner with my family. Many laughs. Just me, my dad, my step mom, and my sister. Delicious dinner. Movie with 2 more amazing friends. Hilarious movie, I Love You, Man. Loved it! Denny's! Milkshakes and Banana Splits. Along with car accident stories and good times. Brian's house. Magnetic darts and tiny hockey sticks. Party talk. Can't wait. Hot tubs. 18th's. Great times to come! Sleep. Tomorrow. Oil change. Hockey game. Round 2, Game 2. Hitmen will take it. With my dad and only my dad. So fun. Go see Strong, Amazing girl. Have laughs, pizza and talk. Will be so much fun.
Ah, if only every weekend could be like this =]
<3>
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Bored
ABC About you Questions:
A - AVAILABLE: For now
B - BIRTHDAY: January 14
C - CRUSHING ON: Because the world doesn't know already
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Water
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Graham
F - FAVORITE SONG: There's a lot lol
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: I like worms
H - HOMETOWN: Calgary
I - IN LOVE WITH: My friends =]
J - JUGGLE: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
K - KILLED SOMEONE: Well....there was that one time....but they deserved it!!
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: Palm Springs, California
M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Banana, that way Graham doesn't drink it
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: Eight
O - ONE WISH: To have the answer
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: Alexis =]
R - REASON TO SMILE: I have amazing friends
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Situations by Escape the Fate
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 9
U - UNDERWEAR COLOR: Red
V - VEGETABLE(S): I like corn
W - WORST HABIT: haha, I have so many
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: Too many to count, I'm a little accident prone
Y - YO-YOS ARE: surprisingly difficult lol
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Capricorn
Now you know my ABCs.
A - AVAILABLE: For now
B - BIRTHDAY: January 14
C - CRUSHING ON: Because the world doesn't know already
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Water
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Graham
F - FAVORITE SONG: There's a lot lol
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: I like worms
H - HOMETOWN: Calgary
I - IN LOVE WITH: My friends =]
J - JUGGLE: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
K - KILLED SOMEONE: Well....there was that one time....but they deserved it!!
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: Palm Springs, California
M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Banana, that way Graham doesn't drink it
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: Eight
O - ONE WISH: To have the answer
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: Alexis =]
R - REASON TO SMILE: I have amazing friends
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Situations by Escape the Fate
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 9
U - UNDERWEAR COLOR: Red
V - VEGETABLE(S): I like corn
W - WORST HABIT: haha, I have so many
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: Too many to count, I'm a little accident prone
Y - YO-YOS ARE: surprisingly difficult lol
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Capricorn
Now you know my ABCs.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
The Night Sky
My response to a question.
What do I see when I look at the stars? A whole lot.
But it’s less about what I see and more about what I think.
It’s very hard to believe that we are the only one’s out there. Not so much in the universe, but more just on Earth. There’s what, over 6 Billion people in the world and yet we only know a couple hundred. Even then, what do we really know about those people? How much do we really care?
As human beings we are naturally selfish. We really don’t care about others, even as much as we say we do. No, seriously, think about it. Would you give your life for someone else’s? Sure, maybe someone really close to you, but what about someone walking down the street? We really only care about ourselves.
How many times have we walked by someone in the hall and never give them a second thought? That one person could have changed our lives and we would never know. It’s actually kind of sad. And what about all those people around the world with much larger problems than whether someone is upset with them or not. Can you even imagine replacing all of our ‘problems’ with question of where you’d sleep that night, or where your next meal is coming from, or worse, knowing that you are going to die before you even get a chance to live? What would you do if your parents were already dead and you had to be completely self sufficient? Life would be terrible.
Yet, all these people look up at the exact same sky we do. Why is it that we were so lucky to have a family who loves us, a home to go to every night, and a meal on our plate when we’re hungry? What makes us so special?
Even closer to home. Every night someone close to you looks at the same moon you see. Everyone sees it differently, yet it means so much to so many people. Some people see it as a sign, some something that’s comforting, and others something that they fear. Me? I see it as a symbol. It’s something that tells me I’m still going, that the world isn’t as bad as I see it now. In a couple of hours that moon will be gone and it will be morning, and that day will bring something new, something the previous didn’t, whether that be good or bad. It’s always a new day, always room for change and improvement.
Everyone sees something different no matter what they’re looking at. The night sky is just something that is intriguing since it’s so foreign to us.
Personally, I love it.
<3>
What do I see when I look at the stars? A whole lot.
But it’s less about what I see and more about what I think.
It’s very hard to believe that we are the only one’s out there. Not so much in the universe, but more just on Earth. There’s what, over 6 Billion people in the world and yet we only know a couple hundred. Even then, what do we really know about those people? How much do we really care?
As human beings we are naturally selfish. We really don’t care about others, even as much as we say we do. No, seriously, think about it. Would you give your life for someone else’s? Sure, maybe someone really close to you, but what about someone walking down the street? We really only care about ourselves.
How many times have we walked by someone in the hall and never give them a second thought? That one person could have changed our lives and we would never know. It’s actually kind of sad. And what about all those people around the world with much larger problems than whether someone is upset with them or not. Can you even imagine replacing all of our ‘problems’ with question of where you’d sleep that night, or where your next meal is coming from, or worse, knowing that you are going to die before you even get a chance to live? What would you do if your parents were already dead and you had to be completely self sufficient? Life would be terrible.
Yet, all these people look up at the exact same sky we do. Why is it that we were so lucky to have a family who loves us, a home to go to every night, and a meal on our plate when we’re hungry? What makes us so special?
Even closer to home. Every night someone close to you looks at the same moon you see. Everyone sees it differently, yet it means so much to so many people. Some people see it as a sign, some something that’s comforting, and others something that they fear. Me? I see it as a symbol. It’s something that tells me I’m still going, that the world isn’t as bad as I see it now. In a couple of hours that moon will be gone and it will be morning, and that day will bring something new, something the previous didn’t, whether that be good or bad. It’s always a new day, always room for change and improvement.
Everyone sees something different no matter what they’re looking at. The night sky is just something that is intriguing since it’s so foreign to us.
Personally, I love it.
<3>
Monday, March 2, 2009
Agh
Okay, so I've tried writing this like 3 times now, so let's see if this one makes it. I just want to make it perfectly clear that I am not mad, sad, upset, angry or anything. I just need to vent, again. Hopefully no one takes this personally.
I can't seem to avoid this drama. It doesn't matter where I go anymore. I tried ignoring things and just letting them go, but clearly that didn't work. I pulled myself out of my group of friends, best friends, because of the drama, and that was not the right path to take. I am so lucky that they are willing to take me back with open arms. I really don't know what I was thinking to be honest.
I can't seem to avoid this drama. It doesn't matter where I go anymore. I tried ignoring things and just letting them go, but clearly that didn't work. I pulled myself out of my group of friends, best friends, because of the drama, and that was not the right path to take. I am so lucky that they are willing to take me back with open arms. I really don't know what I was thinking to be honest.
"Mel, your closer to most of our hearts then he is, you never have to feel excluded."
That honestly made my night. This is coming from someone that I haven't really talked to in a while. Sure, I've taken care of him a few times this month, but nothing over the top.
He made my night.
P.S. The hugs help me as well =]
<3>
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Edmonton
So I went to Edmonton today. I went with on of my best friends ever. I had so much fun =]
Thanks for joining me on my Edmonton Adventure. I don't remember the last time I had that much fun!
*touches nose*
hehe
<3>
Thanks for joining me on my Edmonton Adventure. I don't remember the last time I had that much fun!
*touches nose*
hehe
<3>
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Ouch
"I can't trust that if someone calls or something comes up that she'll stay here."
Twist the knife a little more why don't you? Situation; parents are going away for the weekend meaning me and my sister have to stay alone. Problem; she thinks I'm going to go out all weekend and never be home. I have already promised to only work Friday night and Sunday night, not to go out at all, and spend all weekend with her.
That comment was followed by a "Sorry, I just can't trust her." Wow, never would I have thought that my family wouldn't take my word. Never would I just ditch anyone in my family after promising that. Never.
I hate being here lately. I have to walk on eggshells whenever I'm here otherwise I'll end up pissing someone off. I have to be someone I'm not, just to make people happy. It sucks. I have been thinking about living with my mom, but then again, I would really miss my dad. The other people here I wouldn't really care, since they clearly don't care for/about me.
So I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not sure how much longer I can do this.
<3>
Twist the knife a little more why don't you? Situation; parents are going away for the weekend meaning me and my sister have to stay alone. Problem; she thinks I'm going to go out all weekend and never be home. I have already promised to only work Friday night and Sunday night, not to go out at all, and spend all weekend with her.
That comment was followed by a "Sorry, I just can't trust her." Wow, never would I have thought that my family wouldn't take my word. Never would I just ditch anyone in my family after promising that. Never.
I hate being here lately. I have to walk on eggshells whenever I'm here otherwise I'll end up pissing someone off. I have to be someone I'm not, just to make people happy. It sucks. I have been thinking about living with my mom, but then again, I would really miss my dad. The other people here I wouldn't really care, since they clearly don't care for/about me.
So I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not sure how much longer I can do this.
<3>
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Just Because
Okay, so I just watched myself on tv. I'm so glad I only saw the last 5 minutes. I probably will never try and watch it completely.
Those 2 weeks were complete hell for me. I was in tears almost everyday and it was really hard for me, so for me to go through it again would be way too difficult. I never wanted to do the show in the first place. I did it because if I didn't my family would be very disappointed in me and any time the dogs acted up, it would have been my fault since I didn't do the show.
I never told anyone when the show was going to be on. This includes my mom. I don't want that embarrassment. I never want to be reminded of this show.
On a better note, I went up on the scaffolding today. I don't think anyone really realizes how big of an accomplishment this is for me. Heights has always been on of my biggest fears, and for me to be able to just climb up and do stuff is amazing. A few weeks ago I was so scared I couldn't even think about going up, and now I can do it. One of my biggest motivations was to show a few people that I can really do things, I just do it on my own time. I just hope they're truly proud of me, or at least someone is.
I really miss my dad. He is my rock and I've had a really hard time without him. I always have a hard time without him. This week has just been really hard.
Lately I've kind of felt like no one really wants to hear what I say, and just don't care. This has been really hard for me because recently I've been really proud of myself. I've been the person I really want to, the person I really am. And for people to not want to know that person, that hurts. I've been okay with being alone in a class, and I don't care what people have thought. I have just let loose and have a good time.
I'm sorry, I'm just not in the best of moods.
G, Thank you so much, the fact that you care means the world.
<3>
Those 2 weeks were complete hell for me. I was in tears almost everyday and it was really hard for me, so for me to go through it again would be way too difficult. I never wanted to do the show in the first place. I did it because if I didn't my family would be very disappointed in me and any time the dogs acted up, it would have been my fault since I didn't do the show.
I never told anyone when the show was going to be on. This includes my mom. I don't want that embarrassment. I never want to be reminded of this show.
On a better note, I went up on the scaffolding today. I don't think anyone really realizes how big of an accomplishment this is for me. Heights has always been on of my biggest fears, and for me to be able to just climb up and do stuff is amazing. A few weeks ago I was so scared I couldn't even think about going up, and now I can do it. One of my biggest motivations was to show a few people that I can really do things, I just do it on my own time. I just hope they're truly proud of me, or at least someone is.
I really miss my dad. He is my rock and I've had a really hard time without him. I always have a hard time without him. This week has just been really hard.
Lately I've kind of felt like no one really wants to hear what I say, and just don't care. This has been really hard for me because recently I've been really proud of myself. I've been the person I really want to, the person I really am. And for people to not want to know that person, that hurts. I've been okay with being alone in a class, and I don't care what people have thought. I have just let loose and have a good time.
I'm sorry, I'm just not in the best of moods.
G, Thank you so much, the fact that you care means the world.
<3>
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
15 More Random Facts
Okay, I decided that "I like this" or "I dislike this" wasn't the greatest 20 facts about me, so I'll post some more here.
1. I think the hardest thing in the world is having something in sight, yet not being able to reach it or get to it. I know that if I just took that one little step I could have something very special. But I can't. It's right there and I just can't seem to get to it.
2. I seem to think about only one thing lately. It's quite annoying because it's the thing I can't get to. Yet, all day long I wonder about them. I mainly wonder if they wonder about me though.
3. Right now my favorite movie is Ocean's Eleven, though I'm not sure it's because of the actual movie. I think it's because of the memories I tie to it. That was one of the best days I've had in a long time and can not wait to do it again soon.
4. My perfect day is not one of going to a spa or exotic places, it is one a lot like yesterday. Sure, I wrote an exam, but that was fine. It was more hanging out with 2 of my favorite people in the whole world. Yes, other people were there, but it really didn't make a difference, we kind of kept to ourselves. Then we left.
5. It was hard for me to hear I was ditching my friends for new people, by someone who rarely hangs out with me. Do I really leave that much? Should it really matter?
6. I tend to drift towards the people who act like they want me around. They stop acting like that, I find someone new. I'm not sure why I do this, but I do. It might be so that I prevent myself from being hurt again, or maybe I'm just not a people person. Whatever it is, it's me.
7. I write because if I don't, things get too bottled up inside of me and I tend to become depressed. I wish it weren't like this, but since February/March last year it has been. I've gotten used to it, and recognize the signs now. Most of the time I help it before it happens and I'm fine, but there is the occasional downfall. Some times it is short and some times it's a long period of time, but no matter what it is, I don't let people see it.
8. Okay, I'll admit it, I have a celebrity crush on Brandon Kozun. He's an amazing hockey player, and kind of cute too :P
9. I love smiling. I'm really not sure what it is about that certain muscle movement, but it's an amazing feeling. A real, genuine smile. The one you have when you're truly happy. It's the greatest feeling in the world.
10. I wish I still danced. I find dance so beautiful and every time I see it I wish I was still apart of it.
11. I wish I could play soccer again. Soccer was my life for 13 years. I played and practiced and was actually really good at it. At one point I had the best goalie record in the league. Teams years older than me wanted me to play for them. It was the one thing in my life I was really, truly good at without trying. It was hard to give that up and now every time I go watch a game I just want to play so badly. I enjoy being good at something.
12. I haven't really ever liked the way I looked. I've always wanted to be skinnier and prettier, just like all the other girls. That's why I hate having my picture taken. There are very few pictures I actually like of me. It's the one thing I wish I could be more positive about.
13. I really need more hours in a day. Between school, tech, work, and keeping my families happy, aka chores and 'family time', there's barely time to sleep. Even tomorrow on my 'day off' I have a giant list of things I have to do.
14. I'm starting to regret taking Work Experience. I didn't need the credits, and it's definitely proven to be more work than I intended on. The actual hours aren't bad, it's the paperwork that's going to kill me.
15. GMG is the greatest thing in my life at the moment. I don't know what I would do without you two. You are my rocks, and I really hope we continue this after high school. And I'm starting to think that once Witness is over we need to start having movie days more often since they're so much fun!!
<3>
1. I think the hardest thing in the world is having something in sight, yet not being able to reach it or get to it. I know that if I just took that one little step I could have something very special. But I can't. It's right there and I just can't seem to get to it.
2. I seem to think about only one thing lately. It's quite annoying because it's the thing I can't get to. Yet, all day long I wonder about them. I mainly wonder if they wonder about me though.
3. Right now my favorite movie is Ocean's Eleven, though I'm not sure it's because of the actual movie. I think it's because of the memories I tie to it. That was one of the best days I've had in a long time and can not wait to do it again soon.
4. My perfect day is not one of going to a spa or exotic places, it is one a lot like yesterday. Sure, I wrote an exam, but that was fine. It was more hanging out with 2 of my favorite people in the whole world. Yes, other people were there, but it really didn't make a difference, we kind of kept to ourselves. Then we left.
5. It was hard for me to hear I was ditching my friends for new people, by someone who rarely hangs out with me. Do I really leave that much? Should it really matter?
6. I tend to drift towards the people who act like they want me around. They stop acting like that, I find someone new. I'm not sure why I do this, but I do. It might be so that I prevent myself from being hurt again, or maybe I'm just not a people person. Whatever it is, it's me.
7. I write because if I don't, things get too bottled up inside of me and I tend to become depressed. I wish it weren't like this, but since February/March last year it has been. I've gotten used to it, and recognize the signs now. Most of the time I help it before it happens and I'm fine, but there is the occasional downfall. Some times it is short and some times it's a long period of time, but no matter what it is, I don't let people see it.
8. Okay, I'll admit it, I have a celebrity crush on Brandon Kozun. He's an amazing hockey player, and kind of cute too :P
9. I love smiling. I'm really not sure what it is about that certain muscle movement, but it's an amazing feeling. A real, genuine smile. The one you have when you're truly happy. It's the greatest feeling in the world.
10. I wish I still danced. I find dance so beautiful and every time I see it I wish I was still apart of it.
11. I wish I could play soccer again. Soccer was my life for 13 years. I played and practiced and was actually really good at it. At one point I had the best goalie record in the league. Teams years older than me wanted me to play for them. It was the one thing in my life I was really, truly good at without trying. It was hard to give that up and now every time I go watch a game I just want to play so badly. I enjoy being good at something.
12. I haven't really ever liked the way I looked. I've always wanted to be skinnier and prettier, just like all the other girls. That's why I hate having my picture taken. There are very few pictures I actually like of me. It's the one thing I wish I could be more positive about.
13. I really need more hours in a day. Between school, tech, work, and keeping my families happy, aka chores and 'family time', there's barely time to sleep. Even tomorrow on my 'day off' I have a giant list of things I have to do.
14. I'm starting to regret taking Work Experience. I didn't need the credits, and it's definitely proven to be more work than I intended on. The actual hours aren't bad, it's the paperwork that's going to kill me.
15. GMG is the greatest thing in my life at the moment. I don't know what I would do without you two. You are my rocks, and I really hope we continue this after high school. And I'm starting to think that once Witness is over we need to start having movie days more often since they're so much fun!!
<3>
Friday, January 16, 2009
What have I done?
Will someone please inform me of what I've done wrong?
I seem to be getting a few people either telling me I screwed up or telling me I'm mad at them. Seriously, I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I've just been keeping to myself, doing the things I need to do, and trying not to impose on anyone. The next thing I know there's drama all around me.
First I get a text basically telling me I was mad at someone even though I had barely seen them for a few days. I wasn't purposefully ignoring anyone, I was just doing things and real busy. I was told to forget that it even happened.
Now today I'm getting pretty much yelled at over tape? I'm sorry you never put the tape on when we all were.....I really didn't think it was that big of a deal. As far as I know none of us were opposed to you putting it on. I think if any of us were it would be because it's our inside joke. There's a whole story behind it that you just don't understand. Then you tell me you feel like we're pushing you out. Well the three of us do a lot together, and now all of a sudden you want to join? Maybe you're the one trying to force yourself in. Now don't get me wrong, we're very open to new people, I think it's just you want to be apart of everything we've already done, which isn't possible. Try to understand that it's been the 3 of us since almost the beginning of the year. This tape thing is just one more thing that brings us together. Whenever I see the tape it reminds me of them, as pathetic as it sounds, it's just another part of my life. And as much as you may hate to hear it, those two are a HUGE part of my life. I'm not sure what I'd do without them.
Then you told me I was talking down to you. I don't understand this at all! You barely come to rehearsals and when you do, you don't really do much. This has been my life pretty much for a while, and I just take pride in doing a good job for it. So I guess its just hard for me to sympathize for you, since you had no interest in rehearsals from the beginning. After all of this, I was told to forget about it.
I see a trend developing here. It's like people decide to throw all of this at me to make me feel like shit, then tell me to forget about it so I can't bring it up again. It SUCKS!
Basically emotionally the last few days have sucked you could say. But I'll get over it soon. I think the three of us should hang out more though, I'm mainly happiest then =]
<3>
I seem to be getting a few people either telling me I screwed up or telling me I'm mad at them. Seriously, I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I've just been keeping to myself, doing the things I need to do, and trying not to impose on anyone. The next thing I know there's drama all around me.
First I get a text basically telling me I was mad at someone even though I had barely seen them for a few days. I wasn't purposefully ignoring anyone, I was just doing things and real busy. I was told to forget that it even happened.
Now today I'm getting pretty much yelled at over tape? I'm sorry you never put the tape on when we all were.....I really didn't think it was that big of a deal. As far as I know none of us were opposed to you putting it on. I think if any of us were it would be because it's our inside joke. There's a whole story behind it that you just don't understand. Then you tell me you feel like we're pushing you out. Well the three of us do a lot together, and now all of a sudden you want to join? Maybe you're the one trying to force yourself in. Now don't get me wrong, we're very open to new people, I think it's just you want to be apart of everything we've already done, which isn't possible. Try to understand that it's been the 3 of us since almost the beginning of the year. This tape thing is just one more thing that brings us together. Whenever I see the tape it reminds me of them, as pathetic as it sounds, it's just another part of my life. And as much as you may hate to hear it, those two are a HUGE part of my life. I'm not sure what I'd do without them.
Then you told me I was talking down to you. I don't understand this at all! You barely come to rehearsals and when you do, you don't really do much. This has been my life pretty much for a while, and I just take pride in doing a good job for it. So I guess its just hard for me to sympathize for you, since you had no interest in rehearsals from the beginning. After all of this, I was told to forget about it.
I see a trend developing here. It's like people decide to throw all of this at me to make me feel like shit, then tell me to forget about it so I can't bring it up again. It SUCKS!
Basically emotionally the last few days have sucked you could say. But I'll get over it soon. I think the three of us should hang out more though, I'm mainly happiest then =]
<3>
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Free Falling
Love is like jumping off a cliff. First of all it's extremely hard to take that first step and jump. You're afraid something will happen to you and you won't be able to recover. You need that second person to jump with you, or be at the bottom to catch you. Once you take that step though, it's exhilarating! Your stomach constantly has butterflies and you feel giddy all the time. You're glad you took the step.
So all I need is someone to catch me. I'm afraid of heights, so assure me I'll be okay.
<3>
So all I need is someone to catch me. I'm afraid of heights, so assure me I'll be okay.
<3>
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Everything happens for a reason. This is no different. Obviously there's some reason behind this.
At first all I could think was why was God punishing her? She didn't deserve it. After thinking about it non stop I know there's more to this. God knows she's strong. She'll pull through this no matter what the outcome of the surgery is. She'll find a way to do the things she loves. I truly believe with my whole heart she will walk again one day. She'll prove to people she's as strong as I know she is. There was a reason God allowed this to happen to such wonderful, warm hearted person. So everyone, please pray for her. With all our support how is it possible she not get better?
Who knows, maybe her sister was missing her? M was a great sister to her.
<3>
At first all I could think was why was God punishing her? She didn't deserve it. After thinking about it non stop I know there's more to this. God knows she's strong. She'll pull through this no matter what the outcome of the surgery is. She'll find a way to do the things she loves. I truly believe with my whole heart she will walk again one day. She'll prove to people she's as strong as I know she is. There was a reason God allowed this to happen to such wonderful, warm hearted person. So everyone, please pray for her. With all our support how is it possible she not get better?
Who knows, maybe her sister was missing her? M was a great sister to her.
<3>
Why?
I don't understand why this stuff always happens to the good people!
She's one of the most amazing people I've ever met. She'd give anything for someone in need, and then this happens? I still can't seem to grasp the whole idea. This isn't really happening and soon, I'll wake up from this crazy dream.
She had her whole life ahead of her. She worked so hard for everything she had, and her dreams were close. Not only her, but her family doesn't deserve this either. They've lost already, please don't let it happen again.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all the time love. Please get better! I need the other half of the M&M cookie! <3
<3
<3
<3
<3>
She's one of the most amazing people I've ever met. She'd give anything for someone in need, and then this happens? I still can't seem to grasp the whole idea. This isn't really happening and soon, I'll wake up from this crazy dream.
She had her whole life ahead of her. She worked so hard for everything she had, and her dreams were close. Not only her, but her family doesn't deserve this either. They've lost already, please don't let it happen again.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all the time love. Please get better! I need the other half of the M&M cookie! <3
<3
<3
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Monday, January 5, 2009
Where have you all gone?
Why is it that I always hear about people having great, in depth conversations with other people? Why do they feel the need to tell me about it?
I used to have those conversations with people. I used to feel needed. What happened? I can't think of one person who wants to tell me things anymore. Everyone else is becoming really close and I seem to drift further and further away every day.
Yeah, I need a lot of help right now, but I don't know where to go for it. Everyone says they're there for me, but really they seem like they could care less. So I guess I'll just write it all down here, continue on with a smile and pray that this is just a school thing and when I get out of school like will be better.
Where do I start? I guess I'll start at home. So my three sisters have seemed to form some sort of pact against me. I don't know why, they just whisper and do things with just each other and make sure I feel like the odd one out. It's a terrible feeling. Then there's my step mom. She doesn't care about me. Doubt she ever will. Or at least never to the extent of the other three. My dad just wants to watch his ass and will do anything to stay on her good side. Even if that means upsetting me. Then he comes and "vents" to me about everything.
Then there's school. There's just way too much stuff I need to be ready for at school in the next couple of days. And exams on top of that. Oh god, why do they have to be worth 50% of my grade this year?
What else can I put in here that people won't get upset with? So my birthday party is coming up. It's a shame that some people really don't like spending time with me. I thought it could be a fun day, now I'm just dreading it. Are people going to show up because they genuinely like me, or because they feel they need to?
Then there's always the whole boy issue. The more I see him, the more I like him. The more I see him, the less I think he likes me. Why couldn't things work just once? I mean, sure I've have 'boyfriends' before and that whole experience. But I always wonder if they actually liked me, or the thought of having a girlfriend. I know my feelings are true, this break proved it. I just don't know he feels the same way.
I always seem to wonder if people find me annoying and that's why they don't tell me things? Or maybe they think I can't keep a secret. Maybe they just don't trust me. Whatever it is, I wish someone would just tell me so I could fix it. This whole being alone thing sucks.
Yeah, yeah, I know, 'you're always there for me'. I wish people would stop saying that if they really don't mean it. I can assure you people don't think, "Hey, she looks sad today, I wonder if there's anything I can do to help out." No, I would imagine its more along the lines of, "Oh god, she looks upset again. Maybe if I don't say anything I won't have to deal with all her problems again."
I'm starting to think I need help. Last time it didn't work out so well though. He was someone who dealt with 'family problems'. Okay, so what about the rest of my 'problems'? Would I have to see like 15 different people for each problem? And how do you tell someone some things? "Oh, and by the way, a few months ago I had serious thoughts of suicide, and now it comes back a lot. See you next week!" And you people wonder why I never say anything.
I guess I didn't go through with it, not because I magically loved my life again, no because I thought about how hard it would have been for some people. I'm really not that selfish of a person, just sometimes I need someone too. Someone who actually cares. Not someone who pretends to care because they're supposed to because we're friends. I need to be able to talk to someone about everything I've gone through in the last year without them freaking out every time I look upset. Because let's face it. I'll never go back there again, it was far to scary. If I had someone through that time maybe I would have never had the thoughts in the first place.
Then again, I'm not good with confrontation. I have a hard time telling someone somethings when they ask. Especially the, "Are you okay?" question. Honestly, what am I supposed to reply to that? "Oh, no. My life is a complete and udder mess right now, thanks for asking!" Then they just feel sorry for you. I guess what I need is someone to just say, "Hey, I really think you need to talk about (insert major topic here), and I really want to hear about it!" Now I'll hear that a lot in the next week, because people are going to 'feel bad'. That's not what I'm looking for right now. I just needed a place to go. Someone who will listen no matter how long I babble on for. Which has been for a while now I guess.
Sleeping is another thing I'm lacking. I try and sleep, honestly, but my brain won't shut up. I'm hoping this helps tonight and if so, I'll be doing it a lot more!
I wish people would update their blogs more often. Sometimes I feel its the only way to know whats going on in their life. And I'm afraid to ask because I know there's some awkwardness there and you would just much rather I didn't know.
Well that felt rather refreshing. Don't take it personally.
<3>
I used to have those conversations with people. I used to feel needed. What happened? I can't think of one person who wants to tell me things anymore. Everyone else is becoming really close and I seem to drift further and further away every day.
Yeah, I need a lot of help right now, but I don't know where to go for it. Everyone says they're there for me, but really they seem like they could care less. So I guess I'll just write it all down here, continue on with a smile and pray that this is just a school thing and when I get out of school like will be better.
Where do I start? I guess I'll start at home. So my three sisters have seemed to form some sort of pact against me. I don't know why, they just whisper and do things with just each other and make sure I feel like the odd one out. It's a terrible feeling. Then there's my step mom. She doesn't care about me. Doubt she ever will. Or at least never to the extent of the other three. My dad just wants to watch his ass and will do anything to stay on her good side. Even if that means upsetting me. Then he comes and "vents" to me about everything.
Then there's school. There's just way too much stuff I need to be ready for at school in the next couple of days. And exams on top of that. Oh god, why do they have to be worth 50% of my grade this year?
What else can I put in here that people won't get upset with? So my birthday party is coming up. It's a shame that some people really don't like spending time with me. I thought it could be a fun day, now I'm just dreading it. Are people going to show up because they genuinely like me, or because they feel they need to?
Then there's always the whole boy issue. The more I see him, the more I like him. The more I see him, the less I think he likes me. Why couldn't things work just once? I mean, sure I've have 'boyfriends' before and that whole experience. But I always wonder if they actually liked me, or the thought of having a girlfriend. I know my feelings are true, this break proved it. I just don't know he feels the same way.
I always seem to wonder if people find me annoying and that's why they don't tell me things? Or maybe they think I can't keep a secret. Maybe they just don't trust me. Whatever it is, I wish someone would just tell me so I could fix it. This whole being alone thing sucks.
Yeah, yeah, I know, 'you're always there for me'. I wish people would stop saying that if they really don't mean it. I can assure you people don't think, "Hey, she looks sad today, I wonder if there's anything I can do to help out." No, I would imagine its more along the lines of, "Oh god, she looks upset again. Maybe if I don't say anything I won't have to deal with all her problems again."
I'm starting to think I need help. Last time it didn't work out so well though. He was someone who dealt with 'family problems'. Okay, so what about the rest of my 'problems'? Would I have to see like 15 different people for each problem? And how do you tell someone some things? "Oh, and by the way, a few months ago I had serious thoughts of suicide, and now it comes back a lot. See you next week!" And you people wonder why I never say anything.
I guess I didn't go through with it, not because I magically loved my life again, no because I thought about how hard it would have been for some people. I'm really not that selfish of a person, just sometimes I need someone too. Someone who actually cares. Not someone who pretends to care because they're supposed to because we're friends. I need to be able to talk to someone about everything I've gone through in the last year without them freaking out every time I look upset. Because let's face it. I'll never go back there again, it was far to scary. If I had someone through that time maybe I would have never had the thoughts in the first place.
Then again, I'm not good with confrontation. I have a hard time telling someone somethings when they ask. Especially the, "Are you okay?" question. Honestly, what am I supposed to reply to that? "Oh, no. My life is a complete and udder mess right now, thanks for asking!" Then they just feel sorry for you. I guess what I need is someone to just say, "Hey, I really think you need to talk about (insert major topic here), and I really want to hear about it!" Now I'll hear that a lot in the next week, because people are going to 'feel bad'. That's not what I'm looking for right now. I just needed a place to go. Someone who will listen no matter how long I babble on for. Which has been for a while now I guess.
Sleeping is another thing I'm lacking. I try and sleep, honestly, but my brain won't shut up. I'm hoping this helps tonight and if so, I'll be doing it a lot more!
I wish people would update their blogs more often. Sometimes I feel its the only way to know whats going on in their life. And I'm afraid to ask because I know there's some awkwardness there and you would just much rather I didn't know.
Well that felt rather refreshing. Don't take it personally.
<3>
Sunday, January 4, 2009
In all honesty...
This birthday may not be what it sounds like. Everyone seems so excited for the party, and thats great. The party should be fun, just not what I was expecting.
I really was hoping everyone would be there, but I guess not. I don't even know if my family will be there. They can't seem to remember when it is anyway. Then there's a lot of people who, I thought, would have sacrificed just a few hours to celebrate something special with me. Guess what, I thought wrong.
I don't know, maybe I'm just upset because my family has banded together against me it seems, but I wouldn't be surprised if my parents forgot my birthday.
I don't have high hopes for this one.
<3>
I really was hoping everyone would be there, but I guess not. I don't even know if my family will be there. They can't seem to remember when it is anyway. Then there's a lot of people who, I thought, would have sacrificed just a few hours to celebrate something special with me. Guess what, I thought wrong.
I don't know, maybe I'm just upset because my family has banded together against me it seems, but I wouldn't be surprised if my parents forgot my birthday.
I don't have high hopes for this one.
<3>
Friday, January 2, 2009
New Year's "Resolutions"
So I have decided that this year I'm actually going to try and stick to my resolutions. And maybe this will help.
So this year I'm to go to try and be more confident, spend less money, drink less pop, and eat healthier in general.
So there you go, there's my goals for the year!
<3>
So this year I'm to go to try and be more confident, spend less money, drink less pop, and eat healthier in general.
So there you go, there's my goals for the year!
<3>
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