Meh...

So this blog is for me and no one else. Feel free to read it, but don't take much I say seriously on the account that I am extremely confused at the moment......Anyway, here it goes....

I'm starting to wonder if the saying "No guy is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry", has exceptions. I mean, what happens if a guy makes you cry, but your feelings are just as strong? This is where my dilemma come in.

I really like him, yet, I seem to be questioning a lot lately. I have learned a lot from other people, that hurt me. Stuff that I should have known from the beginning. Yet, whenever I get mad or angry, and I can be mean, I go home and don't want to leave him. I've heard things like "You have a lot of patience to put up with this." This just makes me wonder, why should I have to put up with anything? "My friends will always be more important than my game." Well whenever your around why do you complain about wanting to be at home. Yet you're there so I have no right to be mad. "Leopards never change their spots." So do I just accept it and know its going to be like this, or get out now. Then when I go home, i just want to be with him again? This is what goes through my head in about a minute.

"When your heart and you head agree, that's when you'll know whats right, and that it it's the right time." Well, now what am I supposed to do until then? Just wait and continue this, or end it and probably regret it later. Just when I think I have come to my conclusion, he does something totally unexpected and I am even more confused.

I guess this is what I really want right now: If we're out with everyone, don't complain, if we're out and you start talking to someone you know, don't ignore me (especially if it's a girl, that just puts ideas in my head, even more so if the two of you are making references to things to do together, as a joke, that shouldn't be said), start some of the conversations yourself, when I do all the time I get the impression you don't want to talk, I don't want to hear about all the girls you know, it doesn't impress me, and finally, I kind of want some time with just you, I really do miss that.

Finally just an FYI on things. I have a lot of guy friends, I always have and always will. I just get along better with guys. That does not mean that I want to date all of them. It takes someone special for that to happen (obviously). Yes, I can be, for lack of a better word, a bitch at times, but when it's all over, I feel bad and I'll apologize. You don't always have to buy me things, I would really like it if once in a while I did the buying, especially if you're low on cash. Lastly, when I tell you things that bug me or whatever, its not to make you feel bad, its to let you know how I'm feeling, I think that's important.

After all of this is said and done, I just want to thank all that helped me, especially the 5 in the bus stop. That was really hard for me that night, and I couldn't help but cry, and you guys put up with me. I thank you all greatly!

There was a lot of love in that bus stop that night, and it made me think about how amazing my friends are. I love you all. Always will, no matter what happens!

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