Burden

Okay, so forgive me if I've seemed a little off the past couple of days but I've been dealing with a lot.

So there's the obvious that I still can't walk for another 26 days which is really disappointing. The fact that I'm in pain yet again. The fact my best friend is camping (but is coming back today, you have no idea how excited I am). Or maybe its just the fact that I DID in fact feel like a burden the other day.

Now I sit here reading all these things about me, telling me that I'm not a burden, that your worried and so on and so forth, and I can't help to think that the saying "actions speak louder than words" applies here.

As much as you say that I really wasn't a burden, I was and no one can deny it. I could tell that everyone was getting sick of stopping every few minutes so I could take a break. But guess what, its how I have to live my life for the time being. I will tell you this though, the walk from school to Starbucks seemed a lot longer than the walk from the theatre to Co-op, which it isn't. This was because I couldn't stop as often. So, knowing no one wanted to continue to stop, I fought through the pain. Bad move. I was, and still am, sore. So when we finally got to chapters, if I was going to going to make it anywhere else, I had to sit down, so I do. Probably another bad move since everyone seemed to leave. Now its not like you went to look at books or something I could understand. No, you guys stood just far enough that I couldn't hear you. Just out of my sight at times. It was at that time I decided I couldn't take anymore and was going home, even if I had to walk. Then to top everything off, everyone came back, but I do believe that the comment made was, "Hi, we came to visit you." Now tell me if I'm wrong, but doesn't it seem odd that you would go to "visit" someone in the middle of hanging out with them? So I did what I had to to prevent myself from breaking down, and I walked away. Finally my Step-mom came to my rescue, just in time. I walked away fighting back the tears. I don't know, but it hurt to know that people I thought wanted to spend time with me would just walk away.

Who knows, maybe my expectations were to high, or maybe I was just used to people understanding. Whatever the case, I don't think I'll be doing that again for a while (at least 26 days), because the pain, both emotional and physical, is just to much to handle at the moment.

Now can you see where I'm coming? Where I may have possibly got this idea that I was a burden? So don't take it too personally if I don't happen to want to talk at the moment, or if I seem to be spending a lot of time with Brian. He just understands me.