One Year...

It's quite amazing how much a person can change in the course of one year. If exactly one year ago someone would have sat me down and told me all this stuff was going to happen this year, I would have said they were lying.



Let's see, I've fallen in and out of "love" so many times it's insane, I've had my heartbroken tons, I've seen how strong of a person I really am, I've broken a few hearts, I've lost a lot of trust, gained more friends, discovered who my best friend in the whole entire world is (also my brother from another mother =]), and have been so far down I didn't think I would ever be able to get up again and sitting here today.



I've learned so much, I didn't think that this much knowledge could fit in my brain. Most of the stuff wasn't from a classroom and a teacher. It was from real life situations where I was shown what I am capable of. I learned a lot about my limits and what I can put up with and for how long. I've learned about the person that needs to come out and the one who needs to take a seat. I've learned that being myself is fully aceptable and I don't have to be someone I'm not. But most of all, I've learned I have a voice, I can stand up for myself, and I am a hell of a lot stronger, smarter and more beautiful than I give myself credit for.



One of things I have been able to accept this year was being "one of the guys". For years I've seen it as a bad thing because no one would ever see me more than a guy. No one would fall for me. But I have news for everyone.....Someone ALWAYS falls for that girl =]

Just to prove I can be strong, I'll write about something I have never really discussed with anyone....yet. So lets see, about 6 months ago or so, I broke up with the guy I was head over heels in love with. He had been my life for 3 months and it came totally out of the blue. I was heart broken and hurting. It was around that time my mom started leaving for no reason and I was waking up to empty houses, and living lonely days. I held everything and kept to myself. Though, I hate people feeling bad for me so I put on a happy face and let things build. It build to the point where I felt alone and unwanted and was so far gone with depression I didn't care about anything. I decided that people were better off without me. One night I was upset alone, and drunk with tears and emotions. I went to the bathroom and I had the bottle in my hand. The plan was just to slowly slip away and no one would notice. I didn't. I decided one more day wouldn't hurt. Thats when I really opened my eyes and realized how much I had affected people. So many people had taken my advice, or just wanted me around. I started to cheer up and life began to get better, slowly, very slowly, but at least it was better. Still today I'm affraid of hurting that much again and tend to reserve more than I used to, but I'm woring on it. It's going to take a lot to get back to where I was 9 months ago, before all of this began, but it will get there.

So much has changed in the past year, but I'd say mostly for the better. In another year I'm sure things will have taken another turn and be different again. Though thats becasue every day I learn and grow and I am never the same person two days in a row.

So in closing, please take my advice and live life to the fullest, never deny new knowledge and never take things for granted, you never know where you will be tomorrow.

Oh, And too all those always there for me, and those who have helped me day in and day out, I think of you when i hear these lyrics:

"Every Day, You save my life"

I love you all more than you'll ever know!

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